Apologies in advance for the markedly slimmed-down version of today’s Frank Report. As the better half of clan Haviland malingers in hospital with pneumonia, that leaves me quite literally holding the baby – and there are only so many words you can type while simultaneously cooking, wiping arses, and role playing Peppa Pig. Excuses duly […]
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The Frank Report is proud to be your go-to summary of political shenanigans, and our latest instalment is no exception. The major news from Westminster this week, was that Keir Starmer’s Labour have taken the safe Tory seat of Tamworth, with the second-highest ever by-election swing of 23.9%. Respected psephologist Sir John Curtice, commented that “no government
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The Frank Report has just returned from the Labour Party Conference in Liverpool, and your correspondent couldn’t have gotten out of there fast enough; even with a first-class ticket on HS2! With the Tories about as effective as a Diane Abbott cue card, you’d expect Labour’s Fab Four (Starmer, Cooper, Lammy and Reeves) to resonate
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The Frank Report has regrettably been relegated to the subs bench of late, struck down by a hernia the size of Justin Trudeau’s ego. Still, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity for a brief foray into party conference season, if only to escape the clutches of nurse. This week, it was the turn of the
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Welcome to this week’s Frank Report, where in a break from tradition the UK constabularies have actually decided to do their jobs. After a damning report found the Old Bill are solving the lowest proportion of crimes ever (less than six percent), the MET Police are wheeling out stop and search, targeting areas ‘with very
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Welcome to another Sunday edition of the Frank Report, where regrettably the laughs are a bit thin on the ground. I suggest a large pot of tea and an inexhaustible supply of Jammy Dodgers; if you’re ready, off we go! This week’s main story was the decision of the nation’s financiers to enact a banking
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Also making the news was the Caliph of Londonistan, Sadiq Khan (peas be upon him), who is determined that the State provide free school meals to every primary school pupil in London from September. ‘The cost of living crisis means families and children across our city are in desperate need of additional support’ said the mayor. When it was pointed out to him that there wasn’t anything ‘free’ or ‘ethical’ about taxing families on the breadline to feed the children of millionaires, Khan is rumoured to have replied ‘It’s only £130M ffs, that’s not even a week’s worth of transgender propaganda!’
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There was an interesting incursion into the free speech debate this week, as Taliban leader Anas Haqqani appeared to endorse Elon Musk over Mark Zuckerberg. ‘Twitter doesn’t have an intolerant policy like Meta’ Haqqani wrote, while live-streaming his latest bombing. ‘Sure, we cut people’s hands off and burn them alive if they step out of line, but at least we don’t harvest their data’.
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It’s been a bumper week for Britain, as the nation’s premier sacred cow celebrated her 75th birthday (no, not Diane Abbott you bastards!), our glorious NHS; the envy of the world. It’s unclear what sort of gift a grateful nation should bequeath a septuagenarian recluse on her last legs, but I’d have thought euthanasia should
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In a move branded ‘genius’ by City Hall insiders, loveable Londoner, mayor Sadiq Khan, has promised to slash knife crime by issuing his own range of ‘peaceful’ switchblades. ‘Knife crime is caused by discrimination’ Khan confidently told The Guardian this week. ‘It’s unfair that not everyone can afford the latest zombie knife – that is, after all, essentially what knives are – a fashion statement. If everyone’s carrying the same shank, they won’t feel the need to use it’.
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