The New Conservative

Jack Watson

Downing Street

Lying Labour

Rachel Reeves, the first female Chancellor in history, was greeted with much fanfare amongst the wokerati as she announced her Autumn Budget was for “hardworking families up and down the country who have been crying out for change” (honestly, you’d think women had never been in control of the purse strings before). But that was […]

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Toilet Rolls

The Thin Loo Line

The police have just solved the crime of the century—though it’s not the discovery of Jack the Ripper’s identity, nor the resolution of a long list of unsolved murders, or even apprehending the culprits of some of the world’s biggest robberies. No, this is far more important: Leicester police have caught one of their own

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Keir Starmer

Free Gear Keir

Who doesn’t love a good freebie? Taster samples at a local Tesco, free goodie bags after a tough 10km run or even a birthday party, one-month trials on Netflix or Prime (the streaming service, not the drink), Meerkat vouchers for the cinema, or even unlimited food and drinks in a lounge or waiting room—these are

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Weather

Woke Weather

For the past decade, the Met Office has operated the practice of naming storms. According to Situational Awareness head, Will Lang, this improves communication of severe weather, and provides clarity. With the storm season ending in August, the Met Office has just finished its busiest year on record –12 tempests have been named in 12

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Olympic rings

Woke Olympics

The 2024 Paris Olympics has been blighted by the country’s decision to change the format of the opening ceremony. Formerly a celebration of athletic excellence, this year’s cérémonie d’ouverture was downgraded to an immersive cultural tour; highlighting the French contribution to artwork, full of le wokeism and mistakes. Traditionally, athletes from all countries competing in

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Joe Biden

Calamity Joe

Despite insisting that he would stay in the battle, Joe Biden has finally realised that his time in the presidential election race is over, pulling out on Sunday due to pressure from his own party. This follows his dire performance in the debate three weeks ago, and mounting speculation that Biden would make the sensible

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Magdalen College

Mad-dgalen College 

Magdalen College, the wealthiest constitutional college of the University of Oxford, has come under fire for scrapping a traditional St George’s Day celebration, which falls every year on 23 April and honours the patron Saint of England. The dinner has been replaced by a ‘special’ banquet for Eid – the second consecutive year the college

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Hollyoaks

Hollywokes  

Hollyoaks is a popular soap on Channel 4, its target audience primarily composed of young teenagers and adults between the ages of 16-24. It has a decent rating of 3.6/5 and is enjoyed by 70% of google users, which beats Coronation Street at 68%. However, needless to say, it has become the latest show to

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