The New Conservative

Frankhaviland

Labour Party Manifesto

The Labour Party Manifesto: Unworthy Of A Leak

Gerrymandering the vote is hardly new territory for the Labour Party, with Tony Blair inadvertently admitting millions of new Brits, mysteriously inclined to vote for him. But Starmer may have bitten off more than he or even Ed Miliband can chew by so thinly disguising his intention to rejoin the EU – having already admitted he would ‘revisit’ the Brexit deal to boost the economy. 

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Oxfam

Oxfam R.I.P.

An assault on language is an assault on truth. A lexicon which no longer affords accurate description is hostage to those who set the boundaries of acceptable discourse. This is not a tenable position for democracy.

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Houses of Parliament

The Frank Report LVIII

In a move branded ‘genius’ by City Hall insiders, loveable Londoner, mayor Sadiq Khan, has promised to slash knife crime by issuing his own range of ‘peaceful’ switchblades. ‘Knife crime is caused by discrimination’ Khan confidently told The Guardian this week. ‘It’s unfair that not everyone can afford the latest zombie knife – that is, after all, essentially what knives are – a fashion statement. If everyone’s carrying the same shank, they won’t feel the need to use it’. 

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Buckingham Palace

‘A Terribly White Balcony’

Whites are already a minority in Britain’s major cities (‘So what?’ comment our politicians), but perhaps the process would be successfully catalysed by mandatory diversity quotas upon white families? It’s sure to be a vote-winner. Keir Starmer should consider prioritizing it in the next Labour Party manifesto. 

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Black Lives Matter

The Risible Case For Reparations

How precisely would reparations be enforced? Where is the line, both historically and factually, to be drawn? What proofs are going to be required to justify payment? Is it historic injustice we seek to redress, or merely historic success? Which countries are to be held to account? Only Britain? Only white countries? Only the West? And how exactly are these gargantuan sums to be financed? These are questions which need answers. 

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