The New Conservative

Politics

Keir Starmer

Starmer in Store

The year is 2033, and the United Kingdom basks in the unmistakable glow of a decade-long Labour government. Britain has yet to fully leave the European Union, but is getting really bloody close to a deal for full, ‘non-member’ membership. Realignment with Europe has come surprisingly cheap. Thanks to the unique negotiating skills of Diane

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Le Pen

Le Pen Must Prove Mightier Than Le Sword

Perhaps it is just as well for France that Macron cannot run for a third successive term in 2027. Perhaps it is just as well for him, seeing as Marine Le Pen is well on course to oust him anyway. Macron or not, this is a defining moment for the West—whether it will regain its sense of national pride, or whether it will fall. Diversity is not our strength—how much longer must the innocent pay the price for this lie?

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Knife

Suella: Brave Decision on Stop and Search

A Braverman than most, our home secretary has called upon Britain’s 43 police forces to grasp the nettle, and “ramp up” their use of stop and search in order to “save more lives,” a decision for which she deserves to be commended. The “dangerous culture” of carrying weapons must end, she commented in a statement to the House of Commons earlier this week. The home secretary has also instructed police forces to publish body camera footage promptly, in order to avoid “trial by social media.” 

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Women still have penis envy

Women Still Have Penis Envy

More and more women are discovering the benefits of the dingle-dangle – specifically the advantages it can bring. First of all, there’s sport. While the three-legged race has long been a staple for mums and dads at school sports day, female athletes are only just coming around to the realisation that a third leg is about as close as you can get to the guarantee of Olympic gold (assuming you’re not blessed with the necessary talent, of course).

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Wash your hands

The Covid Inquiry grinds to a start 

I cannot be alone in thinking that the inquiry has an easy job, and it goes something like this: a respiratory virus of demonstrably low lethality spread here from China; none of the non-pharmacological measures that were introduced had evidence to support them; no assessment of risk was made; human rights were overridden; and the harms of social and economic lockdown were evident long before they were lifted. Explain! 

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