It’s been an abortion-heavy week, as the United States reappraises sanctity of life versus a woman’s right to choose. A cursory glance at the recent Supreme Court ruling appears to indicate America’s preference for chaperoning foetuses safely through the uterus, just long enough to give them the Covid vaccine; which should finish the job properly. Indeed, the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention is now perversely recommending the clot shot for babies as young as 6-months, which does make one consider whether abortion isn’t the kinder option.
America sneezes and the rest of the world catches a cold, so they say, and that certainly seems to be the case in Westminster. With the loss of two by-elections and the resignation of Party Chairman, Oliver Dowden, a second abortion attempt on the Johnson premiership is well underway. However, if Jeremy Hunt (who couldn’t lead the way out of an unlocked door) is your frontrunner, the Conservatives would be well-advised to stick with the devil they know. Keir Starmer may well boast the Tories are out of touch, but he’d do well to remember that aside from ’Which Labour leader is certain to develop more charisma six feet under?’, there is absolutely no question to which he is the answer.
Buried by Buckingham Palace meanwhile, is the long-anticipated report into allegations of bullying by Meghan Markle. Rather than make the findings public and clear the air, the Palace has chosen to fuel tensions further by keeping the report secret. If I possessed half the integrity and honour for which the Duchess of Sussex is renowned, I’d certainly demand full disclosure, in an attempt to clear my name. But then, what do you expect? The Palace has never treated the Sussexes fairly. Not only are the couple likely to be omitted from the guest list at William’s upcoming birthday bash, but they were said to be incensed by Prince Charles blowing a kiss to Kate Middleton – white privilege if ever I saw it.
In fact, it’s been another good week for racism all round – the one redeeming feature being that the diversity of the victims is increasing. This week it was the turn of Gary Lineker, Match of the Day’s first Jamaican host, who confessed he had suffered ‘racist abuse’ due to his ‘dark skin’. And Lenny Henry most graciously accepted an honorary degree from Oxford University, resisting the temptation to demand the award committee and audience adhere to strict, non-white diversity quotas.
Thankfully, these transgressions were more than offset by other good news. Chief among them, are reports that not one professional will be held to account over the grooming gang cover-up of Rotherham – and quite right too: there is never an excuse for Islamophobia, no matter how many honkies get raped. In education, exam board OCR has taken the important step of removing war poet Wilfred Owen from the syllabus in a ‘diversity push’, and not before time. There are thousands of hard-working, non-white families who’d have jumped at the opportunity of a free uniform and guaranteed work overseas. And there are further reports that nine out of ten people refused asylum in Britain in 2020 are free to remain – which means that Priti Patel could fire every single Home Office employee, and streamline the immigration process into the bargain.
In health, the NHS’s eco chief, Dr Nick Watts, has declared less face-to-face appointments are a good thing, because they reduce pollution. With most GP’s now already full time TikTok artists, that must make the NHS the most environmentally friendly health service in the world, along with its unparalleled commitment to incompetence. Polio is the new monkeypox, and is now spreading in Britain for the first time in 40 years; pandemics are like busses – you wait for ages, and then three come along at once. And there are plans in Wales to ban under-16’s from buying tea and coffee, in a bid to cut down on the youth’s caffeine intake. As well as buying teenagers’ booze and knives for them, it’s reassuring to know you may soon be accosted outside the supermarket by hooded thugs demanding you ‘Get us a box ‘a Tetley’s will ya mate?’
In other news, plastic wet wipes could face a ban in Wales – which might make life difficult for first minister, Mark Drakeford. Headteacher of Mossley Hollins School in Tameside, Andrea Din, has outlawed hugging, high-fiving and shaking hands, as she declared ‘No student should ever be touching another student’; Christ knows what she’s going to do when she investigates behind the bike sheds. A 66-year-old lifelong blood donor has been turned away, because he refused to disclose his ‘pregnancy status’. And finally, America’s most famous unsuccessful abortion, Joe Biden, has been caught using a cheat sheet with instructions such as ‘YOU take YOUR seat’. With America at the mercy of a man so clearly in the latter stages of dementia, perhaps the Supreme Court should be reminded that in extreme cases, abortions 79 years after birth need to be considered.
That was Frank’s week.
Take care of yourselves, and any abortions you may have forgotten to have.
