“Absolutely brutal” was the GBNews verdict on Kemi Badenoch’s attack on Keir Starmer at Prime Minister’s Questions.
Long seen as the Voice of Farage, the channel has been showing some ankle to the Tories recently, their leader appearing on it so frequently they should probably start paying her. To be fair, she does seem to have upped her game. Her response to the Budget was similarly brutal and had those of her persuasion purring as she got stuck into Rachel Reeves. Whether she has got better, or the government visibly bleeding out in front of her has just given her an easier target, we cannot tell – a bull is easier to face when it has some banderillas sticking out of its back than when it first charges into the arena. No matter. She finally, to some, looked like a Prime Minister-in-waiting.
There is obviously something in the water.
Announcing her new immigration policy, the Home Secretary was similarly “brutal”; to some, she was even “savage”. Perhaps, people speculated, she was the answer to Labour’s problems, her use of unparliamentary language showing she had the human touch her boss conspicuously lacks.
His eyes, however, were elsewhere. Boris Johnson was ambitious, but learned over the years to cloak it in a shroud of verbose, bumbling bonhomie. The only concession the Health Secretary makes to hiding his “lean and hungry look” is the faintly puffy features he maintains. Something had to be done. A drive-by shooting was organised, but one whose only victims were the occupants of the car. For Wes Streeting took to the air waves to proclaim his loyalty. He was a “Faithful, not a Traitor”. To many, this was enough. He had vaulted to the top of the list of candidates, not struck down, only made stronger, more powerful than Keir Starmer could ever imagine.
Three people. Three claims to power. All resting on a rhetorical performance.
In the latest Yougov poll, the Conservatives sit on 18%, down from the 23% they received at the election. Despite the government losing 14%, the opposition has contrived to go backwards. They lost 674 councillors in the last Council elections. Large donors have defected. Former MPs have defected. A sitting MP has defected. Still, Kemi can be rude about Keir, and that’s not nothing.
Ms Mahmood has not been in her office as long as Ms Badenoch, but she has not risen without trace. She was the first Justice Secretary of this administration, responsible for prisons and the like. A job which revealed her to be “hard as nails” according to the Health Secretary. Mistaken prison releases more than doubled over her time in post, from 115 in 2023-24, to 262 in 2024-25. She can’t keep prisoners in, so we’re supposed to believe she’ll keep migrants out. Still, she can be rude about Reform, and that’s not nothing.
Mr Streeting avoided being reshuffled, giving him a longer track record. In February last year, the IFS helpfully released three projections for the NHS waiting lists, an optimistic forecast, a pessimistic forecast and a central forecast, what one would expect most of the time. Since then, as the journalist Fraser Nelson recently tweeted, the figures have hugged the central forecast until the last month or so since when they have worsened. Statistical noise? Possibly. Signs of a “Wes effect”? Not really. Before the election, he blamed the government for a round of strikes and promised to do a deal to end them. He did a deal. And the strikes started again, leading to the suspicion that, of the two parties to the dispute, he chose to blame the wrong one. Still, at least he watches popular telly, and that’s not nothing.
Politics, it is often said, is show business for ugly people. This is unfair (possibly wishing to visit America in the future, let me just put it on record that Donald Trump is a veritable Adonis…). But whatever one’s views of politicians’ pulchritude, we do seem to treat it as a form of entertainment. There are stars whom we follow, no matter how poor their last film or album was, and every so often a rap battle is held, two performers dropping disses on each other across the dispatch box as their supporters howl, waiting for the mic drop, clippable for social media. Boom!
Westminster is, of course, set up for this. Not for us the horseshoe-shaped spectrum of consensus of other legislatures. There is a sharp division between us and them. The distance between the benches is defined by the sword-length. Nowadays, we might use the machete.
Rhetoric, communication if you prefer, is an important part of politics. But rhetoric is designed to persuade and, on occasion, inspire. Telling Nigel Farage to “sod off” or Keir Starmer that his colleagues want his job does neither. It satisfies those already persuaded, those who have sorted themselves into a tribe, those who regard the politician as their champion, doing verbal battle with the other side, like a spear-less Hector or Achilles.
There is a world outside the subterranean car-park in the early hours, however. A world of councillors who have lost their seats, a world of people victimised by wrongly released criminals, a world of grannies told their hip operation has been postponed. A world of people, in other words, affected by what politicians do, not their ability to be rude to their opponents. A world in which times are hard and getting even harder. A world in which Rabbit in 8 Mile is a poorly paid worker living in a mobile home and struggling to care for his daughter, not a titan of the underground rap scene. A world in which Eminem is not an obvious candidate for Prime Minister.
But that, it appears, is not the world of politics and journalism. It sways and stomps along as DJ Kemi and MC Shabana drop their latest disses.
Shame.
You only get one shot, do not miss your one shot to blow,
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.
Peace. Love. Over and Out. Mic dropped.
Stewart Slater works in Finance. He is now also on Substack, where you are welcome to follow him.
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