So many ch-ch-changes at Pandemic HQ this week, David Bowie should be demanding royalties. The Monkeypox has now been permanently substituted for Covid, it seems. Wuhan’s top scorer had a blinding first half, but it’s been a while since it threatened a lockdown.
Still, the new signing is already racking up the sponsorships deals. Belgium is fully on-board, introducing a mandatory monkeypox quarantine, while the WHO warns ‘Monkeypox outbreak could be just the tip of the iceberg’. The UK has only managed 106 cases thus far, but the media are doing their best to hype it up – the Daily Mail clearly deciding that Tuesday’s additional FOURTEEN cases warranted capital letters.
Meanwhile those old stick-in-the-muds still pushing climate alarmism haven’t changed their tune one iota. Steak and sausages are off the menu, as Australians are told to give up meat as part of woke academics’ plan to save the world from climate change – good luck enforcing that when it’s barbie time Down Under. Eating insects could help cut your environmental impact by up to 80 percent according to researchers – well they can go firefly themselves. And Greta’s got a book out – might as well cash-in while BLM are temporarily off their game.
Rumours are it could be all change in Downing Street, as the 1922 Committee gets a drip-feed of letters demanding the Prime Minister’s resignation. Ever the good sports, Remainers are attempting to get more mileage out of cakegate than Miss Havisham, believing the release of the Sue Gray report to be the catalyst they’ve been waiting for.
Fortunately at Number 11, Rishi has suddenly found a £46Bn cost of living rescue package down the back of one of the Downing Street sofas (along with the obligatory pizza, gin bottles and spare vomit, naturally). It’s been an expensive week for Sunak, who has already had to cough up £500k of taxpayer cash to repair his image – he can’t ask his wife obviously, not now that she’s a taxpayer.
It is remarkable how eager the government was to lift lockdown / flash the windfall cash about whenever there’s a partygate report on the line, but the takeaway from the last two years’ shenanigans surely ought to be this:
- The elite are always above the law – you know it, and I know it.
- The real damning point is, they knew there was no danger in gathering, but enforced it anyway.
- If you ever want your government to do anything, it’s best to send in Mr Kipling.
Across the pond, the latest loser has shot up a school in Texas instead of doing the decent thing and turning the gun on himself. Kamala has of course called for a ban on assault weapons (the default setting when you can’t blame the massacre on white supremacy). Democrats are smart – guns are so bad, they only want the bad guys to have them.
Still, one must never let a good crisis go to waste. While the world’s most unprincipled virtue signallers had the good taste to stay away and let the families grieve, one woman was not about to let the opportunity pass. That’s right, the Douchebag of Sussex just happened to be passing with a bunch of flowers, a camera crew and a spray tan – what ya gonna do? She said a prayer for the 19 children slaughtered, which Netflix insiders confirmed to be ‘Dear Lord, please ensure the cameraman remembers to focus on me not their graves.’
Speaking of grifters, George Floyd has changed his ways, and been crime free for the past two years! Chancers like Obama couldn’t help reminding us whose death mattered most:
As we grieve the children of Uvalde today, we should take time to recognize that two years have passed since the murder of George Floyd under the knee of a police officer. His killing stays with us all to this day, especially those who loved him.
In other words, ‘sure, your kids were murdered – but we can’t milk any votes from that.’
Any conservatives ‘honouring’ the anniversary of his death for fear of being called racist ought to be ashamed of themselves. Floyd was a scumbag; he’d have been a scumbag had he been white, except he’d have been a forgotten scumbag. It’s time these anniversaries were given the respect they deserve: none whatsoever.
Onto anniversaries that do matter, the Queen’s Jubilee is almost upon us. Flash your Rishi cash, and you might find Prince William in your change, as the lovable baldie is set to feature on a new £5 coin to mark his 40th birthday. The Royal Mint is also considering releasing the Prince Andrew ‘never touched her’ £12M sovereign, The Prince Harry ‘Eunuch’ half crown, and the Meghan Markle ‘Gold-digger’ shilling.
Meanwhile, anyone not changing their gender at least twice a week is obviously a bigoted, far-right, TERF whore, or whatever they’re calling Radio 4 listeners these days. Encouraging us all to do our bit for gender fluidity is ‘Drag Storytime’, which aims to get the kids early (nicely skewered by Roger Watson this week); Stella Creasy, who politely informed JK Rowling that she was wrong about women not having penises (this is the same ironing board who wants to make misogyny a hate crime; iron that out). And Layla Moran, in a desperate big to make the Lib Dems relevant, doubled down on her celebration of Pansexual Visibility Day this week. ‘I identify as pan’ she said. Each to his or her own of course, but for Christ’s sake don’t let her loose in your kitchen whatever you do!
In other news, a major review is being launched into whether the BBC is complying with ‘impartiality requirements’ after accusations of ‘Islington left-wing bias’ at the corporation. Next week, we’ll be asking the big question: does ISIS harbour antisemitic undertones?
Headline of the week goes to the Telegraph, who outdid itself itself with the following: The countryside is finally getting more diverse – and it’s about time. I have to say, it is about time – no one enjoys a good ramble more than I, but I always find it somewhat anticlimactic when you walk away unstabbed.
And finally, a Japanese man has spent £12.5k to look like a dog. Why he didn’t just marry into the Royal Family and get it done on the taxpayer beats me.
That was Frank’s week.
Take care of yourselves, whatever changes you’re going through.
