Anyone planning on playing pandemic this weekend will be waking up to bad news: Covid infections are down again to 1 in 50 according to the Office for National Statistics. Still, if you can’t live without your mask and your 17th booster shot hope is at hand in the form of monkeypox. Our primate cousins were a bit slow off the mark, but UK cases have now ‘more than doubled’ to 20. The nation should be basking under full lockdown any minute now, presumably the government are waiting for the first warm weekend to announce it.
In Britain this week there was delight for stargazers, as the lunar eclipse resulted in the first ‘blood moon’ of the year. The event was widely ignored in London however, as mayor Khan wryly observed ‘Londoners don’t need to wait for the heavens; just step foot outside after dark if you fancy a blood moon’.
Unlike the safety of City Hall, at Westminster many careers are on a knife-edge. Prime Minister Boris Johnson is being urged to explain his private meeting with Sue Gray over the partygate, non-party party he may have attended. Particularly vociferous calls came from Labour MP David Lammy, who urged the PM to resign. Lammy knows whereof he speaks – having previously been fined £5,000 for instigating 35,629 nuisance calls urging people to back his failed London mayoral bid back in 2016. The resignation is coming, any day now.
In Downing Street, there are rumours that wolf-whistling could still be made a crime, after Carrie’s best friend and government adviser, Nimco Ali, accused ministers of blocking the move. The rumours have received surprising support from Labour babes Diane Abbott, Emily Thornberry and Anneliese Dodds, who regret they could all have been Labour’s first female leader, had it not been for the relentless advances they get in the Strangers’ Bar.
Speaking of strangers, last Sunday saw 436 illegals cross the Channel in small boats. That takes 2022’s total over 8,000, double the same period last year. In her defence, Priti Patel has lifted restrictions on stop and search, which should help police as they pack Labour’s newest voters onto coaches for their sojourn in whichever 5-star hotel isn’t already fully-booked. One thing the Old Bill are unlikely to find on their person is a passport (deftly jettisoned), which might explain the 500,000 backlog at the passport office; those blue Brexit passport are a sought after currency after all.
It’s been a good week for LGBTQwerty too, as gays finally got their own 50 pence piece. With Doctor Who’s sidekick finally gender transitioning (not before time), and Jake Daniels showing astounding bravery by coming out as the first professional gay footballer since 1990, it’s a wonder there isn’t more gayness about. With the positive news that gay men could also be offered the monkeypox vaccine in a targeted rollout – if the NHS pays for it in rainbow 50ps, everyone’s a winner!
Raking in more than the odd 50p, is Black Lives Matter – which has astoundingly been on the take since its inception, who knew? Co-founder Patrisse Cullors claims her mistakes with $90M in ‘white guilt money’ are being weaponized against her, and that she didn’t profit from the $6M LA mansion and $6M Toronto ‘arts centre’. It is hard keeping track of the pennies admittedly, and I’m sure we can all remember the last time we paid our brother $840k for ‘security services’ and our child’s father $970k for ‘creative services’?
But then again, why should this surprise us. Any media worth their salt knows that black victimhood is still the best way to monetise output – which is why novices to the field like GB News focus on irrelevances like vaccine damage, but Sky News’ biggest story of the week was that ‘97.2% of agriculture workers are white, making it the least diverse job sector in the country’.
When they spoke to Muslim farmer, Musher Hassanin, who had left his marketing job in London to run a farm in the Welsh Valleys ten years ago, he had this to say:
‘I can speak for my community. They don’t want to do it. They’re lawyers, doctors, they’ve gone up in society.’ So there you go, white supremacy every time.
In other news, poundshop royals Meghan and Harry are apparently facing a downgrade for the Queen’s Jubilee. What exactly a downgrade from Z-list is, we’ll have to wait and see. India still has a preference for sons – in these enlightened times what are they doing – haven’t they heard modern women all have cocks?! Barbie has unveiled its first ever doll with hearing aids – she wasn’t thick after all, just a bit mutton. And Kim Jong Un has ordered North Koreans to treat Covid by gargling salt water. It’s more effective than the vaccines certainly, but with many North Koreans living on less than a Dollar a day, salt might just be considered an extravagance.
And finally, stupidest tweet of the week goes to Kirstie Allsopp who came up with the following gem:
‘People aren’t coming here for “all the free stuff” they often choose the UK because they speak our language &, and this bit you won’t believe but it’s true, because of HM The Queen, who remains the most famous woman in the world & has been an extraordinary ambassador for Britain’
You know she’s right; that’s why the NHS alone spends £66M annually on translation services, and the majority of the Queen’s loyal fan club has waited 70 years to pop over for a visit.
That was Frank’s week.
Take care of yourselves, whatever strain of monkeypox you’ve got.
