Happy and glorious, that about sums up the mood of the nation since King Charles announced the plans for his—pared down to the bare essentials—coronation. A snip at two hours long and only 7000 guests – so, not much of a jamboree after all. According to the Royal website, the coronation: ‘will reflect the monarch’s role today and look towards the future, while being rooted in longstanding traditions and pageantry.’ Did anyone read that sentence before they put it up on the web? It is just typical Royal gobbledegook, the kind dreamed up and approved of behind the walls of Buckingham Palace where they are so out of touch with reality that they think this kind of guff will impress people.
I can well imagine some administrative flunky, who gets his orders handed to him from within the gilded cage, enthusiastically running off to make a start to putting these celebrations together, until the impossibility of reconciling the obvious contradictions and achieving the ‘something for everyone approach’ leads him to curl up into a ball and whimper. And there’s more.
The King wants the celebrations to highlight refugees, diversity and volunteering. What else? The refugees are not specified so it is uncertain whether these are the genuine article, as in refugees who are fleeing injustice and certain death who enter legally via our asylum channels, or whether it is the boatloads of young Albanian men who arrive illegally to bask in the largesse of our social security system. The King does not specify and if we, the hoi polloi, try to discriminate between them then we are accused of, well, discrimination.
It must be all too easy to play the refugee card when you don’t have to live among them. I forget how many Ukrainian refugees were housed in our Royal palaces, but it appears that thousands are going to end up on the streets when their current arrangements to live with British families comes to an end. What this really means is that when the warm glow of virtue signalling wears off and the £350 per month dissipates, the poor blighters will be turfed out onto the streets. Who could have seen that coming?
Next up, diversity and this will be represented, in the words of The Palace by: ‘an exclusive appearance from The Coronation Choir. This diverse group will be created from the nation’s keenest community choirs and amateur singers from across the United Kingdom, such as Refugee choirs, NHS choirs, LGBTQ+ singing groups and deaf signing choirs.’ Does anybody ever stop the Royal juggernaut and ask ‘why?’ This sounds like a fairly contrived choir to me of the kind that could only be formed by a committee. It will surely be the spectacle of the year if they get up on stage and start screeching like cats.
Then there is the volunteering and, again according to Royal sources: ‘Thousands of events are expected to take place in every corner of the United Kingdom this May as people take to their streets, gardens, parks and community spaces to join the Coronation celebrations and mark this historic occasion.’ God help us all! Acres of enforced jollity and rainbow flags. I doubt anyone will have the temerity to fly the Union Flag.
The only thing, in my view, that could save the whole coronation fiasco would be a grand finale on the balcony of Buckingham Palace where they drag out the Duke and Duchess of Sussex from the palace and hang them over the side by the ankles (‘So, this is why we got invited’) and get their assurance that they are going to disappear back to California for good and shut the f**k up for the rest of eternity. I cannot help feeling that this would appeal to most people in the kingdom and endear the Royals to the nation for a while.
Mind you, the whole occasion could easily be overshadowed by Prince Andrew’s comeback tour. Apparently, he has amassed a £10 million fighting fund and plans to have a go at Virginia Giuffre and retrieving the rest of his fortune which he paid her to avoid an appearance in court in the USA. So convinced am I of his innocence that I am sure he will win.
As if the whole prospect of the Coronation is not bad enough, we are getting two for the price of one. Royal and divorced adulteress Queen Camilla will also be ‘coronated’ alongside King Charles. Say what you like about her, but she’s not exactly the epitome of grace and beauty. I thought Diana was a ghastly person, but she would surely have graced the throne somewhat more elegantly than Camilla.
Once again, just for the record, I remain a monarchist as I simply cannot see any of the alternatives being better. But I have fallen out of love with the present incumbents.
Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.
