Another hot week in the man cave readers. In fact, it got so hot I was almost tempted to undo my top button and slacken my regimental tie. The waistcoat did come off at one point, but my beer-belly was obscuring the keyboard, so that had to go on again.
I caught a glimpse of the weather forecast one evening, and the United Kingdom was shown coloured red with numbers like 24 and 22 scattered across it. Hot, or what? I’ll be in Hong Kong and Mainland China in about three weeks and the temperatures will be over 30 but, thankfully, they don’t use such lurid colours in their weather forecasts so it feels much cooler.
I think I have found the solution to global warming: stop using red on the weather charts, it only encourages it. Which brings me to my first set of lazy bastards:
NHS staff
Fuelled by the global warming panic and having lost any sense of what a health service is for, NHS staff have demanded that they may stop working and walk out if it gets too hot for them. These must be the most deserving cases for the title of ‘snowflakes’ ever. Afraid they’ll melt in the heat, they clearly don’t give a damn about patients being left, not only in said heat, but without the care and attention they need.
As I said on my recent interview with Philip Davies on his Amazing Academics channel (clearly someone else did not turn up), it really is time the NHS was simply dismantled. It is beyond repair, reorganisation or reform.
University staff
These are the second set of lazy bastards. Apparently, they have got the hump at being told to turn up in their university offices three days a week. They are planning to walk out, which could be problematic for them as to walk out you first have to turn up at your place of work to do so. The cream of our intellectual crop in the United Kingdom don’t seem to have worked that one out.
The university ‘workers’ union, the University and College Union (UCU), are claiming that the universities are “riding roughshod over employees’ personal well-being”. Maybe the universities should just sack the indolent sods and see how that affects their well-being.
As a retired academic, I was no stranger to the occasional day working at home when it was expedient, and likely to be more productive than in my office. But this is not a well-being issue. There are five year olds scraping diamonds and rare earth metals out of the ground with their bare hands from dawn to dusk in some parts of the world. Perhaps they’ll join the walk out if someone from the UCU contacts them?
Why is everything terrible?
I am not referring to the terrible state of the country so amply explained by my grandson Jack in these very pages. No, I am being driven to distraction by the poor quality of everyday things such as cling film and tin foil. I am not exactly a wizard in the kitchen but, to show willing now and then and to give Mrs Watson a well earned break from the stove, I will clear up and cover the leftovers. And that is the point at which the fuse is lit.
Why does cling film no longer cling to anything? And that problem only becomes apparent after you have struggled to find the end of it, pull out a length without tearing it in the process and then try to cut that length off using the useless serrated edge provided on the box. This device seems to have no problem slicing your finger. But introduce some cling film to it and the film bunches up and clings only to itself.
Try wrapping up something with the cling film and all you end up with is a sheet of plastic loosely attached which falls off on the way to the fridge. Ditto for tin foil which, when I was a lad, use to fold and crimp nicely and keep your sandwiches fresh and, most importantly, intact until it was time to eat them.
Wrap up some sandwiches in tin foil now and you are just as likely to find them on the floor, butter side down, as soon as you pick them up. I am sure there are many other everyday household items that are becoming equally useless. You’ll be the first to hear.
Hull Maritime Museum
When we first arrived in Hull, a regular Sunday afternoon visit was to the Hull Maritime Museum. But it closed in 2019 for refurbishment, staff were laid off and—due to open this year—reopening has been delayed by a further year.
The attraction in the museum was its unapologetic record of Hull’s past and what made Hull a major British port. You would not think that was the case to look at the city now, but Hitler was convinced of its importance and sent the Luftwaffe over on many a nightly urban regeneration project. Hull, per square mile, was the second most bombed city in England after London.
The museum depicted Hull’s whaling history, and the importance of sperm whale oil to the country as an excellent and clean burning fuel for lamps. Hull became prosperous and many tales and tragedies ensued as the brave whalers of Hull went to places unimaginable to harpoon and slaughter the whales. This was all gloriously and graphically depicted in the old museum. There was even an impressive narwhal tusk hanging from the ceiling.
I speculate—but watch this space—in my conviction that the refurbished museum, if not eliminating the whaling past, will frame it in entirely different terms. Otherwise, this will be a veritable festival of wokery, animal rights, colonialism, climate change and conservation.
I can imagine it now. Undoubtedly our jolly sailor boys trod on a few indigenous sensitivities wherever they hit land away from Hull. There will be apologies galore for that. The declining number of whales will be depicted, and how valiant efforts are being made to protect them and restore whale populations. Treading the racist line very carefully, it will be pointed out how the Japanese are still permitted to kill whales ‘for research (and dinner)’.
No modern museum is complete without a display devoted to the LGBTQ+ crew. May we expect a ‘Queers at sea’ exhibition involving a retelling of Herman Melville’s Moby Dick featuring a love affair between Ishmael and Captain Ahab. Moby Dick himself (or was ‘he’ and ‘she’), as an albino whale, could be used to portray the marginalised in society and how they are persecuted, often to death.
Just for a laugh the museum could have ‘harpoon warnings’ beside any exhibits likely to cause offence or upset. Teachers with parties of schoolkids will be told that sniggering at mentions of Moby Dick and seamen will not be tolerated.
I am probably worrying about nothing. All will be revealed in 2026, and I plan to be at the front of the queue so that I can report to readers of TNC. Overantout!
Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.
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Couldn’t agree more re. NHS, it is totally now beyond saving but say that to 99% of the population and you’re immediately branded a hybrid Hitler/Stalin/Mao/Pol Pot/Trump (but without any of their redeeming features). Perhaps the real problem is the false-God worship of a basket case failure? In fact I’m sure it is as the most loyal acolytes are also most likely to be two-timing the NHS with Climate Emergency, Net Zero, illegal immigrant love-ins and Equality that favours everyone except the majority.
”Undoubtedly our jolly sailor boys trod on a few indigenous sensitivities wherever they hit land away from Hull.”
Oddly enough we ‘jolly sailors’ trod on a few local toes whenever we hit Hull. Is there something in the E. Yorkshire water as the local ladies were always ‘up for it?’ o|—) Needless to say, Hull and Montrose were our favourite runs ashore on Fishery Protection. ;o)
Have you never heard the term (I’ll show he the Golden Rivet) as a classic invite to queers at sea.
Ah yes, cling film, the antidote to contentment.