BBC: Teaching toddlers to hate themselves

For the crime of being born white, your children need to undergo indoctrination and reprogramming to emerge from the nest as inclusive, non-judgemental and racially sensitive people. In the process, the more they can be ashamed of their white genes and upbringing the better. This must be done by speaking to them, raising their awareness and exemplifying situations they will probably never encounter. Such training used to be so much easier when you could give them a clip round the ear for behaving like privileged and selfish little brats, but that seems to be frowned upon these days.

And who better to advise us how to navigate the multiracial world than the megaphone of the nanny state, the BBC. A new blog called Talking about race and religion with young children has been written on the BBC Tiny Happy People website by blogger, screenwriter and author Uju Asika who “shares her tips on starting open conversations about race and how to be active, inspiring and empowering.” It is not written by a white parent who has experienced any of the issues referred to, and who could share his or her advice on how to make your children good citizens. It is written by a black woman with the intention of telling white parents how to behave with their black kids. Hidden in plain sight, is the message that you white parents must tell your children how to be nice to our black (or brown – Uju’s words, not mine) children.

The opening example is risible: ‘Picture this: you’re sitting on a bus when a man walks on wearing a traditional Sikh turban. Your child stares and points. “Mummy, why’s that man wearing a funny hat? And why is his face so brown?”’ Uju then claims: “You are mortified.” Well, not any more than if a punk rocker walked on and my child asked: “Why’s that girl got green hair and pins in her nose?” Just tell them; no big deal and then when you get them off the bus give them a firm reminder when on buses to zip it and ask mummy or daddy later. It is notable that Uju’s blog on ‘race and religion’ does not make a single mention of religion or even of a religion. She had the chance with the turbaned gentleman on the bus, instead, she blows it as follows: “He is wearing a turban because his hair is important and he wants to keep it safe, so he stands out and can be proud. Doesn’t it look smart?” Words fail me.

Here’s another of Uju’s gems: You could talk about how being White might give you certain advantages – for instance, you are more likely to see people who look like you on TV.” I wonder which TV she has been watching. After the pioneering and delightful Moira Stewart and the incomparable and sage Sir Trevor McDonald there seems to have been a regular stream of newsreaders ‘of colour’. We are now treated regularly to Clive Myrie braving the bullets on some rooftop in Kiev. He also hosts Mastermind and has chaired Have I Got News For You. If TV dramas are to be believed, then half the professions—legal or medical—are black with most of the senior positions occupied by black people. Even Ann Boleyn is black. This is followed by the most patronising of statements: “However, White people can choose to use their advantages to help make a fairer world for all.” Thanks love, that’s real nice of you.

Giving advice on how to start a conversation—which is predicated on the assumption that you want to have a conversation in the first place—Uju says “Don’t begin a lecture on hate groups like the Ku Klux Klan…” Indeed not, better to convey the impression that white privilege and prejudice is entirely normal amongst all white people and not the preserve of outlandish morons such as the KKK. Then the advice: “…don’t try to cram in everything at once…You can’t rely on one conversation.” Does she really think that parents are going to devote even one conversation to this drivel with their little angels?

“For White mums or dads, it might be time to examine your own internal biases. Did your family express negative thoughts about foreigners and immigrants?” The answer to the second question in many cases will be ‘yes’ but so what? What do you expect us to do about it now? And finally: “What is your social circle like today? Does your child have Black or Brown friends over for playdates? Could you be doing more?” This is truly nauseating. One’s social circle evolves through mutual arrangement. What it has to do with the likes of Uju is beyond me. And what if we do a ‘friendship audit’ (which I made up) and find either ours or our children’s social circles are lacking in colour? Scour the neighbourhood for black children? Grab the first black person who walks past? I’m sure the BBC are not advocating quotas for children’s parties…yet.