There was a very funny message on X at the weekend from some wag calling himself ‘Napoleon’ reporting that he had ‘Just been out for a walk. I didn’t hydrate or put sunscreen on, so I’m dead now.’ Global warming has reached Hull again, and here in the Man Cave it is like an oven.
I have reset my air-conditioning unit from ‘warm and toasty’ to ‘cool’, ready for use if ever I sense a climate emergency is imminent. Meantime, I find that opening the door and a window creates enough of a draft to keep me from collapsing with heat stroke.
Wembley
I have no idea what possessed me to get a seat in row 2 behind the goal at the east end of the stadium on Saturday for the Playoff Final which, eventually, took place between Middlesbrough and Hull City. Luckily, I bought a hat at the last minute, but I had not worn shorts – like everyone else in the Hull City end – and I nearly got fried alive.
The players had a hydration break in the middle of each half which meant a lot of time added to each half. It could have been worse; it could have been an evening match during Ramadan. With hydration breaks, Iftar breaks, added time, the potential for extra time and then penalties, we could still have been there on Sunday morning.
Still, we came away victorious after a goal in the 94th minute. You can read all about it at grandson Jack’s Substack, Ten Foot Tigers. And don’t forget to read Toby Young’s forthcoming ‘No Sacred Cows’ column in The Spectator, where he is going to report on being a Hull City supporter for the day. And just for your information, Lord Young of Acton makes an excellent spaghetti bolognese.
More raping and stabbing predicted
While we were ‘oohing and aahing’ at Wembley and the rest of the country was going ‘phew, what a scorcher!’, the illegal migrant industry took advantage of the good weather and the fact that it was a bank holiday weekend to mount an invasion of just short of 1,000 priapic Mohammedans on our south-eastern shores. I get the impression that the One-in-One-out policy is not being enforced particularly well.
It is almost as if it is official UK government policy that the young women of our nation are simply not being raped and stabbed enough. And, impatient to wait for those with hearts of oak and a St George’s flag to take on the task, they have outsourced it to young men from Afghanistan, Somalia and Pakistan. And what do these countries have in common? Clue: the answer is not ‘bananas’.
Driverless cars
We took an Uber from Wembley to Acton after the match, and the driver pointed out to me the number of driverless cars on the road. These are going to be operated as taxis by Uber and are identifiable by the huge round and rotating structure on their roofs. This is the radar which is used as part of their navigation system.
Standing at one set of traffic lights we saw three go past. They are driverless but not empty, as someone is sitting in the front passenger seat. Presumably this is just in case something goes wrong. They are still being tested but should be in full use, fully driverless and empty – apart from passengers – by September.
I must say, they seemed to be doing all the right things such as stopping at red lights, weaving about in the traffic and turning corners. Part of me is curious, but a part of me is also apprehensive. It is typical of Uber to be ahead of the game on this but, if they prove successful, it could be the end of manned taxis altogether including black cabs. It just won’t be the same without an update on the latest targets of racism and misogyny in a driverless cab.
The 1970s are back
No, not flared trousers, raging inflation and punk rock. It’s the trade unions warning of a forthcoming ‘winter of discontent’. They want ‘inflation busting’ pay rises – probably in the full knowledge that to do so would mean the government printing money to finance them, leading to further inflation.
The nurses are also planning to go on strike if they don’t get paid properly. They probably think the public still believe they are angels and heroes, but I’d wager that mask slipped after the Covid years. Having sat about doing bugger all on full pay generating endless Tik-Tok dance videos (just what were they thinking?) for the best part of two years, they have lost all the credit they once enjoyed on the moral high ground.
Thankfully, the country is in such a poor state that even if all the unions go on strike, inflation goes through the roof and NHS queues grow, nobody will notice.
Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.
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