The New Conservative

Keir Starmer

A Christmas Carol of Labour’s Woes

It has been a while since my last Labour analysis; I assumed they would have made amends for their poor start in office. But they are still plummeting in the opinion polls and proving they are unfit to govern. I have been away from the laptop recently, working hard at college, only to emerge and find things worse than before, with Labour’s demise continuing to unfold before my eyes. It is beginning to turn into Labour’s own comedy roadshow due to the number of cock-ups and scandals they have produced in recent months. You could be forgiven for thinking the country is being run by a bunch of circus clowns. Their damp wooden cabinet is beginning to crumble as a new scandal comes to light almost weekly. They promised change. But the only change they need now is a change of leadership, as Sir Keir Starmer increasingly looks like the ghost of Christmas past.

We know the country is in trouble when even Tulip Siddiq – a Labour MP and former anti-corruption commissioner – had to resign recently amid allegations of corruption linked to her aunt, Bangladesh’s former Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina, who was forced into exile after 15 years of controversial rule. A Bangladeshi court sentenced Siddiq in absentia to two years in prison (you couldn’t make this up), though she denies the charges. An investigation by Laurie Magnus, the adviser on ministerial standards, looked into her use of properties provided by supporters of the Hasina regime and potential financial support. Siddiq denies the allegations, yet decided to resign as a UK Treasury minister.

If you thought it could not get more hypocritical, take the case of Angela Rayner, Manchester’s finest. As Deputy Prime Minister and former Housing Secretary, she had to step down from key responsibilities shortly after Keir Starmer expressed full confidence in her. The reason? An ethics report found she had breached the ministerial code by failing to seek specific tax advice on a complex property purchase, leading to underpayment of stamp duty. Many people are unaware of this tax, but you would expect the Housing Secretary to know the rules inside out.

This leads nicely to the man who took on some of her roles: Mastermind’s greatest, historically challenged, David Lammy. He has proposed reforms to tackle court backlogs by severely limiting jury trials, reserving them mainly for murder, rape, and other very serious crimes. This has sparked a backlash, even among his own Labour colleagues, with many believing it would undermine a key British tradition and potentially conflict with human rights standards. Jury trials have been a cornerstone of English liberty since the time of Henry II in the 12th century – who ruled before Henry III incidentally – a crucial safeguard for the people. This proposal is naïve and dangerous.

Then came Rachel Reeves’ autumn budget, a time of year when people quiver with fear (and from the cold), preparing for the worst. The Chancellor has frozen tax thresholds until 2030. This sounds innocuous but, as Martin Lewis points out, it creates a stealth tax through fiscal drag: as wages rise with inflation, more people will be pulled into higher tax bands. She has also pledged measures to reduce energy bills, though many households may see limited immediate benefit as winter turns to spring.

The two-child benefit cap has now been scrapped – a U-turn after intense pressure – meaning families can claim more support for larger households. But questions remain about priorities: is this focused on British families, or does it further benefit asylum seekers arriving on our shores, who receive accommodation and allowances?

And the new 3p-per-mile tax on electric cars and hybrids is a cynical move. Labour is pushing the transition to electric vehicles, with plans to ban new petrol and diesel sales by 2030. Yet now they are taxing the very drivers who switched early, largely to recoup lost fuel duty revenue from those who obeyed the green agenda.

As of late 2025, Keir Starmer’s approval ratings remain deeply negative, with YouGov polls showing net ratings around –40 to –50 – among the worst for any modern prime minister. There is dissatisfaction even among Labour’s own voters. The country is going to the dogs, and the only letter Starmer needs to send Santa this Christmas Eve is his letter of resignation. I’m sure Santa already has a backlog of similar requests from across the UK. But I do wish Starmer a Merry Christmas – it will undoubtedly be his last in 10 Downing Street. Let’s hope he soon becomes the Ghost of Christmas Past. He clearly has no future.

 

Jack Watson is a 17-year old currently studying at Wyke College in Hull. You can read his Substack about following Hull City FC here. Follow him on X here.

 

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6 thoughts on “A Christmas Carol of Labour’s Woes”

  1. Jack Watson’s article is impressive – an A-Level English on the cards, no doubt about it!

    However, I don’t know why commentators think that a change of leader will make any real difference to this Labour Government. It’s the policies that need to change, not the leader, although as the following “incident” reveals, that would certainly be helpful. I’ll finish with this, wishing everyone a very happy Christmas…

    Leaked during a visit to Scotland…

    Sir Keir Starmer decides to sneak out of his room at Bute House in Edinburgh and walks into a bank as he needs to cash a cheque.

    He approaches the cashier and says, “Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?”

    The cashier says “Certainly sir, but could you please show me some ID?”

    Starmer fumbles in his pockets then says,

    “I seem to have left my wallet at home but you must recognise me as “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I’m obviously Sir Keir Starmer the Prime Minister.”

    The cashier says,

    “Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters, forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”

    Starmer says, “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

    The Cashier responds: “I am sorry, Mr Starmer, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

    Starmer says, “come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.”

    The cashier relents a little saying,

    “Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do,”

    “One day, Andy Murray came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Andy Murray he pulled out his racket and made a beautiful backhand shot across the bank into a cup of tea held by the bank’s manager.”

    “With that shot we knew him to be Andy Murray and cashed his cheque.”

    “Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a f*cking donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door.”

    With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque.

    So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?”

    Starmer stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank.”

    “There is nothing that comes to my mind.”

    “I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do.”

    The cashier replies,

    “That will do just fine sir, will that be large or small notes” … Ends.

    Happy Christmas!

  2. One of the perennial problems of the UK is that politicians (and most high flying types, especially lical government and quangos) don’t know or understand the rules because, let’s face it, many are extremely thick, only interested in their own advancement and move from one ministry (or sector) to another at will because they are part of the blob and the stupid voters/public think they are ‘experts’ who are far better than they plus deride anyone who disagrees.

  3. I think Jack you are mistaken casting Starmer as the ghost of xmas past he has been mentally Dead for many years but a ghost has to be physically dead as well much as wish him a miserable death he is not dead and does not qualify as the ghost of xmas past.

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