I’ve noticed that discussions on gender identity and what it means usually end up with the person trying to explain it, finally resorting to the question “Why do you care?” Well, my question to them is “Why do you?”
The common argument in support of ‘gender identity’ when it’s different from your biological sex is that sex is natural whereas gender is a ‘social construct’ and isn’t necessarily reflective of your sex.
As someone with a few defining character traits that are more socially acceptable in men than in women, I understand this argument. What I don’t understand is how a ‘social construct’, a set of norms made up by people and which have varied across history and cultures, turn a woman into a man or a man into a woman.
Of my husband and I, my husband is the chatterbox. I’m not a big talker, and at large social gatherings, my husband is the one who, hours after the event began, is still flitting around from one conversation to another while I lurk in the corner on my phone, hoping no one talks to me. I’m also the funny one. My husband is more cheerful and outgoing, but he’s not prone to making jokes. When I do speak, I’m pretty straightforward. I had a bit of tension with my grade level team the year before last, and my principal pondered whether the other teachers were “intimidated by my professional knowledge.” I assured her that women are never afraid of me. If, for example, they called me “intimidating” behind my back, they know that the worst that can happen is I’ll go to them and say “Hey, b****, don’t call me intimidating.” Knowing they’ll be spared the classically feminine rumour-spreading and backstabbing, this scenario would never occur.
I’ve been accused of gayness and masculinity in my time. I never even had to look the part, my personality was enough apparently. I am and always have been very much a woman. Why? Because I was born female. Otherwise, I’m just an individual person, not a gender. I understand that there are people out there with true gender dysphoria, and for many (not all) of these people, transitioning and living as the opposite sex may psychologically be the best option for them. However, the meteoric rise of young people, mostly girls, who are now identifying as ‘trans’ or ‘non-binary’, are just looking for another way to conform to a label and put themselves in a comfortable box.
Being yourself is hard. It’s especially hard for young people who are still figuring out who they really are. I understand how a simple explanation for all the confusion and wacky emotions that come with adolescence is tempting. Gender ideology not only offers that, but it also offers the chance to belong to a marginalised group and be part of, not just a clique, but an intense movement. What young people need to understand, however, is that it is much more satisfying to discover yourself as an individual and not as a label. Human beings are so much more complex and interesting than their sex or gender, and gender should be one of the last things one uses to identify themselves.
So, to those who ask the question, “What are your pronouns?” “What gender are you?” I ask the wise, age-old question “Why do you care?”
Emily Kirkman has a substack you can follow here. She can also be found on Twitter.
