What next for Boris?

Assuming the blonde-haired buffoon vacates 10 Downing Street sometime soon, the question arises as to what he does next. As I write, he is clinging to power by offering his head as leader of the Conservative Party, but staying on as Prime Minister. I wonder how long it took him to think of that one. I also wonder how long he will last, given that the 1922 Committee are sharpening their knives? Surely it is time for HM The Queen to exercise the one piece of power she has, invite Boris over and give him a beating with her walking stick.

The problem is that Boris has never really led the Conservative Party, except into the present disaster. His leadership could be likened to that of Lord Cardigan at the Battle of Balaclava in the famous Charge of the Light Brigade, where there was a distinct disparity between the numbers going into battle and those returning. Cardigan survived the battle, his troops did not. Boris has used the Conservative Party to further his own ends – exploiting it just as he exploits everyone around him. Boris will survive in some shape or form (an increasingly large one as it happens) as he always does, but surely the Conservative Party will be left in shreds, unelectable in its present form. The question remains as to what a loose-ended Boris will do to fill his time?

Assuming the novelty of having Carrie’s gnashers working their magic on ‘johnson junior’ has worn off, and having no private office in which to get down to business, I’m guessing that one is off the table (Oh matron!). Rumour has it that there may soon be a vacancy at the Vatican City as Pope ‘call me’ Francis is considering joining his predecessor in the newly created Home for Retired Popes. Boris, who miraculously rediscovered his Catholic faith during lockdown and took Carrie up the aisle at Westminster Cathedral would be an ideal candidate. The present incumbent is a socialist in Christian clothing so why not let Boris have a go? It would add a bit of life to the Papal apartments with little Johnsons on the rampage and Carrie issuing papal bulls and writing encyclicals on transgender rights, climate change and all kinds of wokery popery. A few of the Vatican nuns would probably get more than they bargained for while they were doing dictation too. The queues for Confession would extend from The Vatican to the Spanish Steps. The fact that Boris is married should be no obstacle to elevation to the Holy See. After all, it has happened before. And imagine Boris on the balcony over St Peter’s Square? Blonde hair protruding beneath the mitre, his papal robes in disarray, blessing the assembled faithful (“How does it go again? Like this? Ok, I’ve got the hang of it now…and the Holy Goat!”).

It is more likely of course that Boris will continue to make a living simply out of being Boris. Love or hate him, he’s a very entertaining speaker, and on his day a superb debater. His total lack of moral standards keeps you guessing what he’ll do or say next. On a more serious note, it was his total lack of moral standards that helped the civilised region of the UK (aka England) come out of lockdown ahead of most other countries that had been foolish enough to get into lockdown in the first place and most certainly keeps us out of it. His complete disdain for science and lack of understanding of things medical and epidemiological allowed him to be led into lockdown by the health fanatics that surrounded him. But his lack of a moral compass also led him and, it must be said quite a raft of his cronies, to see lockdown as a rule for us not for them. Thus, they partied the night away in Downing Street several times while the rest of us were confined to quarters and separated from our families. Once caught and fined he would not have dared impose restrictions on the population again. Whoever replaces him, and with the likes of Gove and Hunt in the running it is very likely, we may be back in masks and queuing up for our 25^th jabs in no time. Boris must go but I don’t expect that things will get better or more conservative any time soon.

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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