Ever mindful that life out there amidst cancel culture, ULEZs, general wokery and the assorted bollocks that life throws at us is hard for those of a conservative disposition, I dedicate this column to ten points of wisdom that may help you get through the week. I must add the health warning that espousing these views and expressing any of them in public may lead to ridicule and ostracisation. That is if, unlike me, you have any friends left. In no particular order, here goes:
- Should women tennis players be paid the same as the men?
Another female tennis player, the Russian racket smasher and all-round bad loser Arnya Sabalenka has been bleating about how women should be paid equally to men on the international tennis circuit, because they ‘make the same sacrifices’ and it’s ‘not as if they sit around doing nothing.’ The lack of logic here is breath-taking. I support Hull City football club which resides in the Championship (old second division) despite the players making exactly the same sacrifices as players for Arsenal and Manchester United. I don’t recall hearing a Hull City player suggest he should be paid the same as a top flight English Premier League player. However, in answer to the question about women’s tennis, my answer is a resounding ‘yes’. Women should be paid the same as men provided they are willing to play five sets in grand slam singles matches and, of course, play against men. If people don’t tire of watching a never-ending series of luv games then let them have their money.
- Cash versus digital
I love the convenience of digital payment, but also mourn the disappearance of cash and despise outlets which—taking the madness of the Covid regime as their cue—are ‘proud’ to proclaim they are cashless. But the issue of digital versus cash has been solved by a certain section of our ‘yoof’ who have proved that you don’t need either. You simply turn up, load up and walk out of the shop without paying; inevitably, with impunity. What’s not to like about that? As if to emphasise how this approach is now the preferred one, an Asian shopkeeper accused of choking a black female shoplifter is now the one in trouble with the police. His mistake was to have it captured on CCTV which was there, ironically, as a deterrent to shoplifters.
- Labour versus Tory
There’s a difference? Leave this one with me and I’ll get back to you.
- Fact versus fiction
It’s getting harder to distinguish fact from fiction. Daily we are bombarded with what passes for news, and nobody seems short of an opinion these days. That’s why we should be grateful to have the BBC Disinformation Unit at our disposal, and the intrepid specialist disinformation and social media reporter Marianna Spring who, sadly, now seems to have been sprung. Marianna really is an expert on disinformation, having peddled it in her CV. But there is nothing to worry about as Marianna assures us that she is an excellent journalist and that the rest of her CV is all true.
- Vegan versus a meat based diet
It’s got to be vegan every time. Just consider the benefits. They include: having something to tell people within 60 seconds of meeting them; an innate sense of superiority over everyone else at a dinner table; being able to make sure every meal and visit to a restaurant revolves around you; and being able to wear a ‘Vegan Runner’ top when you take part in a 5k race. The top allows the paramedics to know what is wrong with you as they stretcher you off, having collapsed after the first 100 metres.
- Biden versus whoever the Republicans choose
This only applies to our US readers. We have a saying in the UK regarding certain political constituencies where it is claimed you could put a monkey up for the Labour Party and it would win, so entrenched are some communities in a sense of grievance. I don’t know if you have that saying in the USA, but I am sure that if you put a monkey up for the GOP then it would have better cognitive function than Joe Biden. The choice is yours.
- England versus Scotland
Even as a Scot I see the futility of supporting my national team – they have hardly won a match in decades. They are having some success in the recent European competition, but they’ll get nowhere in the end. The acid test for the Scottish team is our infrequent games against the ‘Auld Enemy’ England. They thumped us 1-3 at home last week and we couldn’t even score our own goal. We had to depend on England to do that for us courtesy of Harry McGuire who scored an own goal.
- Comedy Central versus Comedy Unleashed
This depends on whether or not you want to laugh. If you are happy with an endless stream of vitriol about all things conservative which swerves away from anything controversial, and from which anyone who breaks the sacred code and ‘punches down’ is cancelled, then Comedy Central is the place for you. On the other hand, if you want some side-splitting, edgy comedy which punches unapologetically in all directions then give Comedy Unleashed a try. Scottish comedian Leo Kearse’s sets are sublime. While these will undoubtedly lose something in the telling, his jokes about fat activists and public schools are good. When some fat activists heckled him at a gig he said they stood up (‘slowly’) and shouted: ‘we’re fat activists’ and he had to agree, ‘they were f*****g enormous.’ Poking fun at the range of facilities at public schools he claimed at his school the dinner lady doubled up as the careers adviser. His definition of microaggression is worth hearing: ‘an aggression so small you should nae give a f**k about it.’ Well, I laughed.
- Christianity versus Islam
The only possible response to this is ‘yes please!’ We have to suffer a constant stream of outrage from the bearded censors of the caliphate to which we respond with cringeworthy submission. While a mullah instructs the faithful on the correct way to stone an adulterous woman to death in a mosque, from the pulpits of the established Christian churches across the land, we are treated to a tsunami of guilt for our colonial past: slavery (which members of the Church of England played a major role in abolishing), institutional racism, and LGBTQwerty propaganda.
- Adultery versus monogamy
This is a topic I often try to discuss with my wife. The choice seems quite simple to me, it is binary. But my wife insists on introducing a third variable—divorce.
Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.
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Conservatism needs rebranding especially to the young, another problem is that there is no equivalent from the right to counter the malevolence of the WEF, Soros, Gates et al, where are the big hitters on the right?
Any big-hitters on the right are immediately labelled ‘far-right nationalists with a tendency towards reinventing the Third Reich’.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. (The laughter may have been hysteria). I’m sure a goodly proportion of modern folk have gone raving mad. Lockdown seems to have accelerated the final breakdown of common-sense in those of a fragile mental disposition.