The Left’s Sense of Humour Bypass

‘Diane Abbott brushes off racist comments as ‘just banter’ is a headline you will never see, any more than ‘Imam urges peaceful coexistence with Christians’, or ‘Gary Lineker is, in fact, a twat’. Of course, there may be some Imams who do urge their followers to tone down the caliphate stuff and plenty of folk have come to the above conclusion about Gary Lineker.

But the mainstream media, whether purporting to be of the right, the left or bang in the middle, have been captured by woke thinking. Thus, they fuel the culture war and inter-faith division as that is what they thrive on. They simultaneously lionise anyone who promotes multiculturalism and welcome the daily invasion (over 500 in one day recently) of fortune seekers arriving on our southern shores, amongst whom there are a fair proportion of rapists and stabbers. As delineated recently by Laura Perrins, woe betide anyone who goes against the grain.

The other reason you’ll never see the above headline is that the likes of Diane Abbott who can weaponise identity politics based on their colour, sexual proclivities or gender of the day are incapable or brushing off anything. They seek to be offended and, as the Good Lord said: ‘Seek and ye shall find’. It does not take them long to be offended.

The ultra-sensitive identitarians remind me of those naval mines that were used in the sea to sink enemy boats in the Second World War. They may still be used as far as I know, but no town square in the north east of Scotland of my cis-gendered boyhood (we were not confused about gender in them days) was complete without one. They were deactivated of course, with a slot on top for the public to insert coins to help the families of those naval men unfortunate enough to have encountered one. You may have seen them: large spheres with spikes all around them – like a prototype coronavirus – which exploded at the slightest touch and holed ships below the waterline. That’s what the wokesters are like; ready to go off at the slightest provocation.

And, with barely a segue needed, we arrive at the Hate Crime Bill (Scotland) which comes of age on 1 April this year. It is probably too much to hope that Humza Useless, the glorious, kilted imam of Alba, will appear on television to tell us that it was all, in fact, a joke. An April Fool’s Day prank of giant proportions, for which the far right fell. We can be confident, unfortunately, that this will never happen because, in addition to extreme sensitivity to criticism on the basis of protected characteristics, those of that persuasion seem to have undergone a ‘sense-of-humour-ectomy’, probably on the NHS. They seem utterly incapable of having a good laugh.

So, in Scott’s land of ‘brown heath and shaggy wood’ the snowflakes and others dispossessed of reason and humour are about to have a field day. Almost no ‘offence’ (in the sense of being ‘offensive’) will be too small to merit the attention of Police Scotland. In their efforts to achieve net zero offensiveness, nothing will stand in their way. Thus robberies, muggings and damage to property will take second place if someone ‘perceives’ that they have been offended.

I long ago abandoned the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, dominated as it was by ‘alternative comedians’ whose only alternative seemed to be not being funny. But this year promises to be the dud of the century as everyone ‘checks their thinking’ and ensures that their jokes don’t ‘punch down’, discriminate or make anyone laugh. I can imagine PC MacPlod treading the pavements with his laughometer to make sure that anyone having fun soon feels the full weight of the law.

But every cloud. Age is a protected characteristic, and I am sure that sexual practices once outlawed cannot be referred to in a derogatory manner. Next time my wife calls me a ‘stupid old bugger’ I’ll suggest a weekend in Edinburgh where she may not be so free with her insults. I for one want to know which sex shop in Glasgow is doubling up as an anonymous reporting centre for the terminally offended. Is that a dildo in your pocket sir, or another wadge of offences you wish to report?

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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