The Frank Report XLIX

Welcome to this week’s edition of the Frank Report. In the run up to Christmas you find Blighty freezing its nuts off, as temperatures get down to a climate change craving -17°C. Rumours are it is now so cold, Greta Thunberg has cranked the thermostat up to the max, chucked her iPad on the coal fire, and is currently spraying aerosol cans out of the window two at a time, accompanied by shrieks of ‘Fuck this shit!’

At Westminster meanwhile, the current Conservative administration is going to have to go some to fuck this shit up any more, but as usual they’re giving it their best shot. Communities Secretary, Michael Gove, has said the UK has a ‘problem’ with Islamic extremists trying to impose their views on children; although all the evidence clearly suggests that Britain, and in particular its Conservative government have no problem with Islamic extremism whatsoever. 

To be fair to the Tories (no easy gig these days), there is still the odd MP alarmed at the left-wing agenda of the past 12 years, some of whom have demanded mandarin-in-chief, Jeremy Hunt, stop frittering billions away in pointless woke projects. Following an audit of 6,000 public bodies, Conservative Way Forward has highlighted £7Bn of equality, diversity and inclusion within the government, which under closer inspection turn out to be the usual anti-white nonsense such as an Arts Council programme on ‘unlearning whiteness’. 

Thank Christ there’s still the regular opportunity for our politicians to travel abroad and cause mischief at someone else’s expense for a change; the taxpayer’s expense naturally, as fresh allegations claim MP’s have been using overseas trips to hire prostitutes and ‘chase young women’. Regrettable though it is that lockdowns and the cost of living squeeze has made it harder than ever for the common man to fly out anywhere exotic and casually get his leg over, it’s still nice to see Westminster is keeping our end up for us. 

In a boon for equality, women are now getting their legs over with increasing regularity, thanks to the never-ending parade of 20-stone bullyboys who seem to have no higher ambition than to put real women out of business. This week’s big dog is Robyn Woof (please tell me that’s his real name), a self-identified ‘transwoman’ and Trans Liberation Officer, who has successfully stopped women from watching the allegedly ‘transphobic’ film ‘Adult Human Female’ in Scotland. True to form, ‘liberation’ now means cancellation. 

Of course wokery is big business, and the big boys are never averse to screwing a few billion quid out of the latest victimhood trend. One of those literally at the cutting edge, is Mattel, who used to just make Barbies, but is now branching out into gender-neutral dolls, and transgender-themed products, which encourage children to transition. For instance, here’s a snippet from a book promoting transition without parental consent:

Parts of your body may make you feel uncomfortable and you may want to change the way you look. That’s totally OK …You can appreciate your body for everything it allows you to experience and still want to change certain things about it

I can’t wait for 2023’s must-have doll: Knobless Ken or Cock-sure Barbie – it’s a toss-up isn’t it?

It’s not only conglomerates on-board with this nonsense, but also those who ought to know better. The Cambridge Dictionary has recently added a trans-inclusive definition of woman to its online dictionary. After quickly getting the real definition out of the way (an adult female human being), Cambridge now asserts: 

‘An adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth’:

She was the first trans woman elected to a national office.

Mary is a woman who was assigned male at birth.

We can laugh all we like, but this is serious stuff. How long before that definition is the only definition? Answers on a postcard please. 

Wokery aside, there’s still plenty of scams raging in the run-up to Christmas. It’s hard to separate those leading the charge – climate change or Covid. I’m tempted to say the latter, seeing as climate change merely asks you to remove all the pleasure from your life and whine incessantly, whereas Covid is actually trying to kill you with injections you don’t need. 

Still, they’ve both had a good push before the festive season, with the Covid peddlars really going for it. Concerned that we’re no longer taking the con seriously, The Guardian tried: ‘Covid is still a deadly threat in Britain – we can’t just pretend it’s gone away’. The New York Times took a stab with ‘It’s time to wear a mask again, health experts say’. Fortune went one better, essaying: ‘People who skipped their COVID vaccine are at higher risk of traffic accidents, according to a new study’. Buried beneath the headline is the explanation: ‘Of course, skipping a COVID vaccine does not mean that someone will get into a car crash. Instead, the authors theorise that people who resist public health recommendations might also ‘neglect basic road safety guidelines’.’ 

Meanwhile, the cheerleaders of lethal injections for children could hardly get any more unappealing. This week’s audition for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’s Child Catcher, was Vice President Kamala Harris, who tweeted:

There’s still time to get your updated COVID vaccine before Christmas so you can celebrate the holidays safely. (Despicably accompanied by a picture of a smiling nurse with a toddler in her arms). 

Most revealing perhaps were the results of a new global study, revealing the shocking rates of discrimination (or ‘Covid snobbery) displayed by the vaccinated against the unvaccinated. Not only did the study discover (rather predictably) that the vaccinated held significantly more negative attitudes towards ‘refuseniks’ than the other way around, but the key finding was that the unvaccinated were seen as more ‘incompetent’, ‘untrustworthy’, and worse ‘marriage material’ than ex-criminals and drug addicts! The simple truth perhaps being that people hate others for being right, but not nearly as much as they hate those who make them look stupid. 

Making us all look stupid are the chorus line of race-baiters, making a fat living from our desperation not to appear ‘racist’, or even worse, ‘white’. In fact, it’s almost impossible not to make a fortune from the kneeling ninnies that surround you if your great-grandmother was a little tanned, and you say something genocidal against white people – unless that is, you push the boat out a bit too far. This may sadly be the case for last week’s star whitephobe, Ngozi Fulani, who appears to have been trousering donations so assiduously, that her ‘charity’ Sister Space may be under investigation by the Charity Commission. Don’t worry Marlene, plenty of opportunities to expose racism in prison, as a new probe also found (shock of shocks), that Black prison staff face ‘overt racism and slurs at work’. 

Fanning the flames on Civvy Street meanwhile, is the inveterate white-hating Diane Abbott, who took the Qatar World Cup as an opportunity to tweet about the uncomfortable number of honkies in the England squad: 

‘Without players of immigrant origin including Kane and Maguire of Irish descent, the England squad would be a very small squad indeed’

Christ knows what Diane would have made of the 1966 squad who seem to have done OK, but then perhaps that’s because they spent less time on their knees?

Spending less time at home this year will be hundreds of soldiers, who have been told most unjustly that Christmas leave is cancelled after they were drafted in to replace striking Border Force guards. Presumably someone higher up the chain will have the wit to send them all home to kith and kin; even not turning up to work, they’ll still be more effective than the current ‘Force’, by not providing a taxi service to our new Albanian criminal population. 

Yes, a third of all those arriving on small boats this year are Albanian, and yet it’s hard to discern exactly which war they are fleeing. Following in the footsteps of all previous gutless Prime Ministers, Sunak has announced a ‘new agreement’ with Albania to tackle illegal immigration – which historically seems to indicate an exorbitant bribe to make some noises about ‘stemming the flow’. Suella Braverman has also pointed out that there is ‘no reason’ for Albanians to seek asylum in the UK – apart from the free hotels, doctors appointments, phones, money, and crime opportunities, so generously provided on our shores. 

There are now apparently 419 illegal migrant hotels in the UK, costing the taxpayer £7M a day. Try as they might to conceal the depth of the problem, the government is clearly running out of stately homes in which to stash Albania’s finest, and has turned to the British countryside to help them out. The latest plan it seems is to offer migrants special visas which oblige them to live in rural areas for five years, the pretext being ‘combatting depopulation and replenishing ageing communities’ – the rough translation of which is queuing up outside your daughter’s village primary school for a bit of Rochdale hanky-panky. 

Interestingly, three-time Wimbledon champion, Boris Becker, has just been released from jail and immediately deported from Britain, where he has lived since 2012. Becker, who should never have even been jailed seeing as tax evasion is what every MP and big business does, hidden in plain sight, was treated with remarkably short shrift by the Home Office. It’s a shame he never dabbled in child rape or murder, otherwise his human rights would have guaranteed him indefinite leave to remain, and a possible post in Keir Starmer’s shadow cabinet. 

In other news, Meghan Markle says she considered taking her own life before stepping back from the Royal family – never finishes anything that girl, does she? A firm has been left red-faced, stuck with 18,000 England ‘World Cup winners’ T-shirts after their gamble surprisingly backfired. I’d just Tipex in ‘A’ and ‘K’, and flog ‘World Cup Wankers’ to BLM enthusiasts – you’re guaranteed to be sold out by lunchtime.  

The aptly-named Mick Lynch says the BBC are too right-wing for him. Fair point Mick, but then they’re too right-wing for the Beeb too – what you gonna do? Once you’re that far-left, everything’s right-wing, unless you start making gulags for honkies mandatory – and even Corbyn never actually suggested that as a serious manifesto pledge. 

The EU’s answer to the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Guy Verhoftwat, tweeted how much he still desires to get his hooks into Britain: ‘The British people were fooled over Brexit… but democracy always offers the chance to think again and start over. The UK belongs in Europe. The only question is when!’ By which he really means, ‘British fools stupidly voted the wrong way, here at the EU we simply re-run elections until we get the right answer.’ 

For the first time in years, Sky News actually asked a good question: ‘Why is it so cold, even though climate change is making the world hotter?’ Certainly makes you think doesn’t it? And finally, a man was convicted of stealing $122M from Google and Facebook simply by sending them random bills which they paid. Now why didn’t any of us have the wit to come up with that?

 

That was Frank’s week.

Take care of yourselves, and remember there’s only 9,000 more illegal Channel crossings until Christmas. 

 

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Thank you.

Frank Haviland,

Editor