I’m sure other people’s noise didn’t use to bother me nearly as much as it does now. For a while I assumed it was simply a facet of age; and yet when I bring this up with my close friends, none of them report a similar experience (at least those who heard me ask the question).
Of all the things guaranteed to infuriate me on a daily basis, noise pollution is certainly up there in my top one. From my comatose neighbour’s unanswered alarm clock which heralds the day, to the last 190 decibel car stereo at night.
I am however, clearly in a minority. Perhaps because of its ethereal nature, society finds noise much harder to police than other elements of anti-social behaviour; or rather once it eventually dissipates, no one seems to care.
True, noise does not come with the physical inconvenience of litter, small children, yapping dogs and the inevitable mess they leave behind; at least the world agrees, someone ought to take responsibility for that. But why oh why do perfect strangers feel the need to burden you with their intrusive (and often pointless) racket?
Wherever you go, it’s almost impossible to escape the bombardment: personal stereos which are more communal in nature; those who leave their mobile phones ringing at full volume, then proceed to answer them at a scream; people who’ve yet to discover the joys of closing rather than slamming doors; shops which ‘entice’ you in by blasting you with aggressive rap music (and once inside, attempt to prevent you leaving with a dirge of ghastly muzak); restaurants where the cuisine is evidently so poor, it can only be served accompanied by a cacophonous din (presumably to deny the customers having their complaints heard); and my personal favourite: the builders who insist on unloading riotously at 6am, then sit around in silence for a 3-hour tea break like Buddhist monks, once everyone has been well and truly been roused from their slumber.
Surely a civilised society should have reached the stage where the peace of the many is not unnecessarily destroyed by the thoughtlessness of the few? After all, we managed to get there with smoking. I confess, even as a non-smoker I was initially against the ban, but now I can see the sense of it. Noise pollution, like passive smoking, ought to come with a government health warning.
Naturally, I have tried prophylactic measures with varying degrees of non-success. Earplugs help to a degree, but one cannot spend one’s life in earplugs. A few years back, I tried swimming regularly to encourage a build-up of earwax, but that proved a false economy when I set the house on fire and failed to hear the smoke alarm! I do however envy those amongst my cohort who have gone prematurely deaf – they claim they’re denied the pleasures of good hearing; in truth, they don’t know what they’re not missing.
My forlorn hope at this late stage of the game, is that we soon get the invention of the ‘anti-hearing aid’ – thereby allowing one to simultaneously decrease the volume of one’s surroundings, and enact a little revenge on the bastards causing it, by forcing them to repeat themselves!
Gazing at the sunflowers in my garden this afternoon, I was struck by a thought: What if Vincent wasn’t depressed after all, but merely suffering from noisy neighbours? I haven’t quite hacked my own ears off yet, but I’ve got to admit it’s looking increasingly attractive.
Frank Haviland is the author of Banalysis: The Lie Destroying the West, and writes a Substack here.
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Calm down Frank, it’s only an age thing (but bloody annoying nevertheless). You can get expensive big noise blocking earphones but why should one need to and there are enough accidents already with people oblivious to their surroundings or danger due to in-ear buds or being glued to their little screens. How do people use mobiles outside is a mystery to me as I can’t make out anything on the screen no matter what settings I use – yes, it’s another age thing.
Nail hit perfectly on the head. Noise pollution is definitely the worst pollution on the planet these days. Mostly created by either thoughtless or selfish people — or the terminally inane who are unable to exist without NOISE, coming from either a television or ‘music’-blaster. Those who appreciate peace, quiet and silence (without which we cannot truly hear the world) are sadly in a very small minority.
Light pollution also, when did we last see a sky full of stars?
“Mostly created by either thoughtless or selfish people”
And businesses that assume everybody wants to be force fed on somebody else’s choice of music. In many cases it isn’t clearly audible anyway, it just adds to the general din like white noise. What’s the point?
I’m also going to be very sexist and say that hen nights in restaurants can be a nightmare.
Noise Pollution
I went to a new cafe in my area recently. The owners were French, I understand. “Not Bob and Alice French?” I asked my wife, but I just got a dirty look. I am not, and never have been, a food junkie. Food to me has always simply been fuel.
The place was presentable, basic steel legged tables, and some steel, and some cane, chairs. The walls were brick or sandstone, the windows large with minimal covering. The floor concrete. Nothing soft anywhere, except bodies and clothing.
I think there were about sixty women, mainly middle aged. I counted two men, three if you include me.
Some people – six – arrived at the next vacant table. At a guess, grandparents, parents, and two children. They had a kerfuffle about who was to take which chairs, steel or cane, and proceeded to drag them into various position looking for a satisfactory arrangement. The steel chairs scraping on the concrete was horrendous. I would on the second or third time echoing around the room.
As surreptitiously as possible, I glanced around. Two younger (than the rest) ladies were talking loudest I thought… but there were no apparent pauses. It was loud and constant. So I looked further, and it was like a sound tsunami.
And it was bouncing around off everything in site. I wasn’t talking, (my wife was checking the menu) and neither were the other two chaps… No chance really.
What fun…
Will S.
I still dream of having a “zapper” gadget that could, at a quick button press, turn up the volume of a passing car’s sterio to maximum thus ensuring the occupant’s ear drums are ejected from the windows. Could be a winner.
Great idea, if it also works in reverse it would be great to make mobiles inaudible and watch the user panic (although most would probably shout louder for several minutes before realising the other party couldn’t hear them either).
A most topical subject! Some wonderfully agree-able comments and observations and amusing ‘anti’ suggestions there. My favourite noise ‘hate’ is the thudding and wailing racket from late-night rural parties or raves (often including light-shows and fireworks) run by wealthy ex-urban invaders, etc., now installed in commandeered ex-farm properties, who wish to bring their urban bad habits with them.