Meghan Markle, Femme Fatale

There’s more than a grain of truth to the words, behind every great man is a great woman. But personally, I set greater store by the lesser-known aphorism, behind every pansified castrato, lies a malicious, megalomaniacal Z-lister. This appears something of a running sore amongst England’s finest swains of late, hostage as they are to their mistresses’ voodoo powers.

Boris Johnson for instance, once lovable buffoon, appears to have morphed into the world’s least convincing eco-maniac. This is rumoured to be largely attributable to Carrie holding cabinet meetings in the bedroom, and the PM admitting to aides, if he didn’t take a particular course of action it would anger his wife.

In the eunuch premier league however, the Prime Minister is not even in it with Prince Harry; a man whose very public emasculation has been painful to behold. In the space of four short years, Harry has gone from everyone’s favourite red-blooded Nazi, to a teetotal, non-smoking, anti-hunt woke wetwipe. Relinquishing the HRH title and the guaranteed millions is one thing, but Harry has reportedly even given up tea as part of Meghan’s healthy lifestyle – Christ, I don’t know if there’s a blowjob in the world worth that!

It is hardly news that Meghan’s popularity in UK has been on the skids ever since the infamous Oprah interview. She currently languishes at an overall approval rating of -30, and when you consider some of her manoeuvres, it’s easy to understand why.

The interview with Oprah Winfrey was blasted not only for Meghan’s lack of credibility, but also for being crassly ill-timed, as Prince Phillip lay in hospital. There have been widespread allegations of bullying by Meghan from royal aides, not to mention the couple’s recent demands for 24-hour security on British soil – despite the fact that they are no longer royals, and boast an estimated wealth of $100M.

As a comparative outsider to the royal family, Princess Diana (to whom Markle is always compared), at least had the grace to fit in and endear herself to the nation. Markle meanwhile, has done her utmost to put royal noses out of joint from the get-go, causing Camilla to brand her ‘a self-seeking troublemaker’.

As a royal, she routinely broke protocol, held the nation to ransom over property renovations yet refused to give photographs, lectured the public on carbon emissions while jet-setting across the globe, and pointedly refused to be politically neutral.

Whatever your views on the monarchy itself, its elder statesmen have at least paid their dues. Markle appears never to have grasped the concept of ‘serving’, and when they didn’t name her Queen five minutes into the job, seems to have become hell-bent on undermining the institution itself.

I’m not a royal gynaecologist, but I know a countess when I see one. Carrie Antoinette may have her £112,000 curtains, but with ME, ME, ME Markle, the expenses run into a lot more than Pounds Sterling. It’s one thing to prostitute yourself for the Spotify millions, but Harry is poised to ‘shake the monarchy to its core’ with his bombshell $30M memoirs, due for release later this year.

And that’s my real objection to Meghan – her relationship with Prince Harry is parasitic. Parasites can be mutually beneficial to their hosts, but not in this case. This is not mere manipulation, but the ruthless sacrifice of her husband’s happiness to achieve her own ambitions.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against ambition women. Give me a Margaret Thatcher any day of the week – fighting alone against a sea of men, and winning. But that’s an honest fight. Markle is someone who couldn’t obtain the fame she wanted herself, so she chose to destroy a whelp to get there instead. And yes, Prince Harry is a fucking moron; but so are most men where this kind of woman is concerned.

So the latest rumours that Meghan Markle ‘doesn’t care what the British public think’ and may never return to these shores, are likely to be met with jubilation rather than sorrow. Put the flags out! And God save the Queen!