How About ‘None In, All Out’

The man cave has been relocated to Istanbul this week and, this being such a colourful and engaging place with great food and – for the time being at least – showing a reasonably acceptable side of Islam, there has been little to rant about. Until…

I’m here with my news-hungry grandson, and fellow TNC columnist, Jack who has kept me up to date with snippets of news from back home. I thought I might follow up one snippet and see what was happening for myself. In the process I became apprised of the ingenious measures that our great leader, Sir Queer Starmer, is taking to curb the daily invasion on our south-east coast of the marauding hordes of sex-starved, medieval murderous men of military fighting age.

I say all this in an inclusive and welcoming way, of course. After all, why would we not want all these young chaps in our country, wandering the streets, ogling – and worse – our young women and jumping ahead of us in the queue for the GP and social housing? What’s not to like? Well, Sir Queer is going to show them where to go and how to get there. Here, in fact.

I believe the latest scheme is called ‘one in, one out’ which seems like opening the gate before the horse has bolted. What is needed is a scheme that amounts to ‘none in, all out’. This year to date we have had 25,000 in by small boats across the Channel so, at the present time, the scheme should be precisely ‘zero in, 25,000 out’.

Why are we remotely interested in having even one of these scrounging, disrespectful, violent and illiterate thugs upon our shores? As the scheme gets going, the ‘in’ side of the equation should remain zero and the numbers should be backdated over all the years these people have been arriving illegally on our shores. For example, 37,000 arrived in 2024. And these will just be the ones who have been spotted, with every possibility that our government is lying to us. They have form over this kind of thing.

I’m not without compassion for those fleeing persecution, but if the word ‘illegal’ is to mean anything it should be applied here and ruthlessly, just like it would be if I rocked up illegally on the shores of Pakistan or at the border of Afghanistan. The fact that they are coming here from France simply rubs sel into the wound. I know they eat snails, but it can’t be all that bad a place to stay.

The PM reckons that it could take three months to process those arriving and then deciding if they should be shifted to a nice new flat at our expense or shafted and sent back, again at our expense, to France or wherever we decide to send them. Quite how we are going to send them and where is not clear, but these questions are likely to be purely academic.

Short of branding them on the forehead (settle down folks – just a joke!) there is absolutely nothing to stop them trying again; they discard their passports and lie about their age and origins, after all. Some even lie about their sexuality to prevent them being sent back to one of several Islamic homophobic societies. I wonder how many of these ‘gays’ then go on to molest our young ladies; there’s a research project for a budding PhD student!

And three months! That is the same length of time that someone coming legally from France is permitted to stay. Meantime they are accommodated commodiously and kick up a fuss if asked to move somewhere cheaper. In my own city of Hull the main hotel in the city centre, the Hull Royal Hotel attached to the station, has been given over to housing asylum seekers continuously for five years.

Meantime, they have time to take a good look around, form networks – by means of the mobile phones with which we provide them – and the rest is history. Even if we had the will to find and deport them, they disappear into the ether and can never be found or deported. In this regard the latest issue of The Thought Police, brainchild of and starring those sage and foul-mouthed commentators Mike Graham and Kevin O’Sullivan, is instructive. They predict, and I suspect they are correct, that not a single illegal asylum seeker will be deported from our shores under the current scheme.

Part of this hare-brained scheme is one whereby 50 illegal asylum seekers will be selected for deportation weekly. But how they will be selected and by whom is not clear. Of course, once they claim that their human rights are being violated, they will enter an appeals process, and we’ll be back at square one. I wonder how many will claim their human rights are being violated. Oh, let me think!

I am well used to outlining the problem and often criticised for not providing an answer. However, since my plan for stopping thousands of the unwanted and the unwashed from arriving on our shores involves gunboats, mines and armed militia, and not fancying a spell in the Tommy Robinson cell at Hull Prison, I’ll not go into details.

I must say I was very inspired by the holidaymakers who stopped by force some illegals fleeing up the beaches in Spain this week before the men ‘of African origin’ were arrested and detained by the police. If the government does not do something about our own problem, then it may not be long before we see this happening here. Sadly, it will be the holidaymakers – far right thugs to a man and woman – who will be arrested and detained.

Normal misery will be resumed as soon as possible from the man cave.

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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