Don’t Be Deceived by Starmer

(Photograph: Chatham House, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons)

Unlike the majority of the electorate, I confess myself concerned about the impending Keir Starmer administration in a way I wasn’t concerned about Jeremy Corbyn. I humbly suggest the rest of you ought to be concerned too. Granted, Magic Grandpa was more lunatic than maverick, guaranteeing fiscal irresponsibility, antisemitism on tap, votes in utero and a free ‘I love the IRA’ badge to accompany the apocalypse – but at least you knew what you were getting. Starmer, I fear, has superior camouflage.

Eagle-eyed readers may reasonably point out that I have argued previously for the absolute destruction of the Tories, on the grounds that things ‘needed to get worse before they got better’. Absolutely, and I stand by every word. The difference now is that previously we were only speculating about the return of the prodigal son, Nigel Farage. Late in the day however, our man has come home, and is making genuine inroads into both the Labour and Tory vote shares.

If Reform UK are truly to drag what’s left of the Tory carcass right of centre, they will need every vote they can get. Naturally Labour diehards will vote for their man no matter what. And while a Starmer victory is all but a done deal, I still think it’s incumbent on the rest of us to go into the polling booth knowing what we’re signing ourselves up to. So, for anyone who wants them, here are my top five reasons not to vote for Keir Starmer:

1. The Dullard Routine

Do not be deceived by Starmer’s rolled-up white-shirt sleeved, supermarket lower management charade, or his attempts to convince us he doesn’t understand the ‘toolmaker’ reference. He is not what he seems to be, on the grounds that no one could possibly be that bland unless they were faking it. Take just one aspect: the voice. I’m not talking about the unbearably pinched, nasal sound to it – undoubtedly that can’t be helped. I’m talking about the monotonous, monotone, mono-speed delivery. If you cannot afford the injection of pace or emotion in your speech, lest you say something off-script – that’s the surest sign that your words are an act:

2. Principles (Or Lack of Them)

Politicians lie, we get it. But even the wrong’uns generally have the odd, edifying principle lying around which you can point to. Captain Flipflop would be hard-pushed to convince you of what he had for breakfast this morning:

The problem with trying to be all things to all people, is that you wind up being hostage to the mob. Take Starmer’s relationship with Corbyn. Simultaneously we are expected to believe that Corbyn was a colleague, a friend, and a man who “would make a great Prime Minister”, and alternatively none of those things when circumstances suggest that is the most electorally advantageous.

3. Appeasement

Jeremy Corbyn would have sold Britain down the river for the price of a wreath – but again, we always knew that, and again there’s something relatively honest about Corbyn’s lack of patriotism. In Starmer’s case, his willingness to appease the mob in exchange for votes or merely the chance to appear ‘progressive’ is worrying. From the cringeworthy kneeling to Black Lives Matter back in 2020, to his recent Islamophobia love-in with Sadiq Khan, it’s hard to conclude that Starmer is ever likely to put British interests first:

4. Track Record

However much responsibility Keir Starmer actually bears as Director of Public Prosecutions at the CPS for the failure to prosecute Jimmy Savile, such a concatenation of events hardly bodes well for his tenure as Prime Minister. Neither I suspect is it favourable that his time in office was marked by the admission that the victims of grooming gangs were failed.

5. Weakness

In his desperation not to drop the Ming vase and finally lay his hands on the keys to Number 10, Starmer is now backtracking on plans before he’s even won the election. The latest U-turn is the addition of VAT to all fee-paying schools, which will now be exempted in the case of pupils with the most severe special educational needs.

Particularly egregious in terms of weakness, was Starmer’s treatment of Rosie Duffield – the MP he threw under the bus in 2021 for stating that “only women have a cervix”. Three years on, and Starmer has miraculously come to the same conclusion, though with no hint of an apology to Duffield herself. This is far worse than the Corbyn lie. Pretending not to know what a woman is, is bad enough. Castigating others for by telling the truth when you’ve decided to lie is quite another. Coming full circle with no trace of contrition however, should debar one from public office in perpetuity.

Short of assassinating the King or developing a personality, Starmer is going to be swapping seats with Rishi Sunak in just under two weeks’ time. Perhaps a Labour super-majority is just the tonic Britain needs to wake up from its two decade-long socialist torpor. If like me you dislike leaving these things to chance however, lend Reform UK your vote on July 4. You never know, the country may just wake up in your debt.

Frank Haviland is the author of Banalysis: The Lie Destroying the West, and writes a Substack here.

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