The New Conservative

people wearing multiple masks

We’ve All Got the Flu

They tried to terrify us with Covid-19 and, sad to report, it largely worked. Most of the population cowered under the cosh of the public health experts, stayed indoors, socially distanced, wore masks and got vaccinated. Some people remain convinced that Covid-19 was an existential threat and that, had it not been for the one-way systems in shops, the definition of what constituted a legitimate pub-lunch (did we ever get to the root of the Scotch Egg controversy?) and vaccine passports that we’d all probably be dead.

But, clearly, not enough people were scared so they keep trying. Hot on the heels of Covid-19 came monkeypox, a disease so serious that it had to be name appropriately to save offending the very people most likely to catch it, Africans, who live in Africa, where they have a lot of monkeys. So, the deadly disease of Mpox arose. Except that, since nobody that anybody knew was dying of it and no celebrities claimed to be ‘Mpox positive’, Mpox was put back into its box. The public health fanatics had to think again.

And then, as if to save their faces, seasonal flu came along. Hallelujah! The news started rolling that we were all going to die (if you’re reading this you obviously didn’t), that this was an unprecedented epidemic (it wasn’t) and that hospitals were ‘overwhelmed’ (they weren’t). But, with a willing mainstream media to lubricate the wheels of the panic machine, we were soon all being exhorted to get the flu jab which, incidentally, is all but useless, and they even had a feeble effort at getting us to wear masks again. But few fell for that one.

And, so, the flu has gone away. But that doesn’t stop them trying. So, with the public health brigade in mind and in a homage to Dominic Frisby’s We’re all Right Wing Now, to the tune of Knees up Mother Brown, here is a song what I wrote:

They say it is a bad one

The worst one of all time

A disast-e-rous pandemic

But so far, I am fine

 

The wards are full

Hospitals are shut

People are so scared

The telly tells us every day

But I don’t really care…cos

Maybe they’re not telling us the truth…oh

 

We’ve all got the flu

What we gonna do

Wear a mask or get a jab

Stay indoors and get in a flap

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

I have got it

So have you…oh

We’ve all got the flu

 

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

I have got it

So have you…oh

 

If this is Armageddon

Then why are they on strike

Those selfish junior doctors

That I really do not like

 

They say they’re poor

They whinge and moan

They shout and make a racket

While all the time, behind the scenes

Many earn a packet…and

Maybe they’re not telling us the truth…oh

 

We’ve all got the flu

What we gonna do

Wear a mask or get a jab

Stay indoors and get in a flap

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

I have got it

So have you…oh

We’ve all got the flu

 

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

I have got it

So have you…oh

 

I tried to see my doctor

I’ve got a painful bum

But he’s off work, he’s got the flu

I should have called my mum

 

So, I popped in

To check it out

The place was full of migrants

Who say they came to get away

From Islamic tyrants…but

Maybe they’re not telling us the truth…oh

 

We’ve all got the flu

What we gonna do

Wear a mask or get a jab

Stay indoors and get in a flap

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

I have got it

So have you…oh

We’ve all got the flu

 

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

We’ve all got the flu

Oh, oh we’ve all got the flu

I have got it

Ah…Ah…Choo!

 

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

 

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10 thoughts on “We’ve All Got the Flu”

  1. tenacioussweets88de5cf6c5

    I started with a runny nose two days ago. Yesterday it was turning into a cold. Today it is a cold and I feel like shit!

    My other half (ex senior paramedic, so should know better): “I think you’re getting the ‘flu”.
    Me: “No I’m not”.
    Him: “I tell you every year that at your age you should have the ‘flu jab”!.
    Me: “And every year I tell you to fuck off!”.

    I’ve reached my three score years and ten, so I’ve reached the biblical knacker’s yard. I’ve never had Covid jabs, mpox, ‘flu or any other jabs. I’ve had real influenza twice, Covid a couple of times, both to no great detriment. My main problem is to do with my back (got a wonky spine) and thank God there isn’t a jab for it!

    Nice song!!

  2. I’ve had a sore throat and cough since yesterday, won’t be bringing in the New Year tonight. I’m heading back to bed, after trying to remember some of the medical advice we receive back in the good old lockdown days. I can only remember this one, which is no use because I don’t drink!
    What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.

    1. :o) LMAO Patricia!

      I find that several whiskeys (Irish of course) make for a perfectly sound night’s kip. And ‘Paddy’ is on offer in Tesco atm at £19 instead of the usual £30, so I’m stocking up for a rainy day. ;o)

  3. No one except a bed-wetting hypochondriac would even think of consulting a Doctor, let alone going to A&E, for either a cold, flu or super-flu and would simply look after themselves until better. OK very young children and the very aged or the mysterious imuno-compromised fraternity, might need hospitalisation but surely the number of these is small and the only panicking comes from ‘experts’ and the myopic NHS?
    Nice try to break out the masks again but really must try harder.

  4. Great stuff Roger I did not believe in covid I did enjoy driving in those days the roads were bloody empty not a cop in sight and no other idiots either that is one positive thing that came out of the whole pile of shit.

    1. And thoroughly enjoyed the sight of morons driving around in the baking heat with all the windows hermetically sealed WEARING MASKS!

  5. ”They tried to terrify us with Covid-19 and, sad to report, it largely worked. Most of the population cowered under the cosh of the public health experts, stayed indoors, socially distanced, wore masks and got vaccinated.”

    I didn’t do any of these things despite being in the ‘vulnerable people’ (i.e. an old git) bracket. And, for once oddly enough, even mein Fuhrer listened to me and refused jabs and masks and lockdown.

    Had a bad cold in 2021 and slept on the sofa for a day … and that was it. This year saw the return of the traditional ‘Christmas Cold’ … just about over it now.

    I suspect that there were very many people who did exactly the same as I did and refused to listen to the lies. Possibly 30% on the population.

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