I recently spent some happy hours with Noel Edmonds. That he was in New Zealand and I was in the London ‘burbs was perhaps for the best because, beloved childhood figure though he was, his beliefs are most politely described as unconventional batshit. I find crystal beds and healing energy every bit as interesting as the next man (assuming the next man didn’t present Swap Shop) but, at the end of the day, science is science. The three-hour series ITV gave him was enough to stir some pleasant memories, and to suggest that the past is probably best left where it was.
Noel is well known for his belief in “cosmic ordering”, the idea that rather than the cold, unfeeling universe of science, the cosmos is actually a giant wish fulfilment mechanism. All you have to do is ask it for what you want (it is both sentient and, conveniently, an English-speaker) and, as if by magic, your desire will be satisfied. Like another TV personality of the early eighties, the universe will fix it for you. Now then, now then…
Despite everything we know about the world, cosmic ordering is actually a reasonably wide-spread belief. Some call it manifesting, others refer to The Secret, a book and spin-offs aimed at the desperate or the dim. The market for “ask and you shall receive” literature is sufficiently large to cast doubt on the abilities of the nation’s science teachers.
At any time, a certain number of people will have odd beliefs. Druids, witches, tarot devotees and horoscope-readers are all, in their own way, perfectly harmless. But they generally live on the sidelines. Not always – Nancy Reagan got her astrologer to organise Ronnie’s schedule – but generally. Cosmic ordering on the other hand, or manifesting, or The Secret, call it what you will, has taken over the nation’s political life every bit as much as it did that of a former DJ.
Take, for example, migration. Reform UK have unveiled their policy to deal with the issue, Operation Restoring Justice (which sounds like the sort of code-name the Israelis use when they’re about to start assassinating terrorists – this may not be coincidental) which will involve mass deportations. Reform thinks this is the right thing to do. Others that it is the wrong thing to do. But it is not, I think we can all agree, an easy thing to do. There are, as we all know, significant legal issues surrounding the matter. Human Rights, Refugee Rights, minor niceties such as these.
No matter, says Reform’s glorious leader, we’ll disapply them. What about the fact that the European Convention underpins such nice-to-haves as the agreement with the EU over Northern Ireland? We’ll renegotiate it, says our Nige, with the self-assurance of the gambler who has just pulled an ace out of his sleeve.
Strangely, the hero of Brexit (and former MEP) appears to have forgotten just how long it takes to negotiate anything with the EU. And the fact that the organisation hasn’t exactly bent over backwards in recent years to give the Brits what they want. No matter, Nigel wants it and the universe will provide it. Just as it gave Noel Edmonds Deal or No Deal (which surely kills stone dead the notion that it is in anyway beneficent).
Reform often look like the answer to the question, “What would happen if the committee of a provincial golf club decided to go into politics?”, but they are not the only part of the spectrum which appears to regard policy-making as an exercise in visualisation and flicking through The Secret.
The Prime Minister was angry not just, like a reanimated Mary Whitehouse, at Reform’s language, but because his government has its own plan to deal with illegal immigration – send roughly 5% of those who cross the Channel back to France. Now, I am a gambling man and those are odds I’d bite your hand off for. As would anyone with a rudimentary understanding of probability (particularly since the gangs are, apparently offering free second trips to those unfortunate enough to get caught). No matter, the government wants it to work, so it will work. The universe, you see, will fix it. Now then, now then…
Similarly, the government wants growth. It is, at some points, its number one priority. (At others, it isn’t). It has not enacted any policies which might reasonably be expected to increase growth, and has put through a fair few which one would expect to hinder it (tax rises, changes to employment rights etc.) No matter. The universe will provide. Not only is it powerful enough to give you what you want, it is powerful enough to do it even when you get in its way.
Across the spectrum, political rhetoric now appears to take the form “We are at A, we want to get to E, so we’ll just assume that B, C and D will happen because we want them to”. We set the intention and the universe will do the hard work of actually doing the work. At no point does anyone suggest that getting from A to E might be difficult, that it might involve trade-offs or that it might not actually prove possible in a way we find acceptable. As long as we believe it, we are guaranteed to achieve it. That’s just the way the universe works.
Politicians are, in their own way, every bit as rational as a cross-Channel migrant. They respond to the incentives as they see them. Perhaps magical thinking has wormed its way into the electorate (The Secret certainly sold enough copies), so much that the commuter scrolling through “affirmational” videos on Tiktok really does believe that the universe will give us what we want – if only we ask it nicely. Or perhaps the political class has become so removed from the voters that they believe they “can’t handle the truth”, and are just saying whatever they need to ward off a tantrum.
But the problem with magical thinking is that there is no magic, and it involves no thinking. Reality always gets the casting vote. Last year we saw what happened when the Tories’ cosmic order didn’t arrive on time. In 2029, on current polling, Labour faces the same fate. What happens if the universe doesn’t come through for Reform? Will it be a plague on all your house (parties)? As the man himself has said, “if you think he’s bad, wait till you see the next guy”. If the universe is set up to give you what you want, and the system isn’t providing it, why keep it?
If Reform (or, indeed, any other party) want to be Britain’s last, best chance for democracy, they need to put down The Secret and start doing the work. Or we’ll all end up with far worse than crinkly bottoms.
Stewart Slater works in Finance. He invites you to join him at his website.
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Brilliant!
The only thing I get from Opinion Pieces, is that ‘it won’t work’. Uncannily similar to the same kind of pieces on Brexit. People were literally queuing up to tell the world that it wouldn’t work, and they didn’t want it. But challenged by the question, ‘What DO you want then? What do you think WILL work?’ The answer was a deafening silence. It’s easy to say something won’t work, but if you say that, you need to say why, and what you would do instead. What I would like to know is why other countries, members of the ECHR, are ignoring the ‘rules’ and the sky hasn’t fallen in. But not the UK – oh no, we have to adhere to all these so called laws. Because there is not the political will to do anything meaningful, ( ‘one in one out’ – oh please), because Starmer is happy with the status quo – he is no doubt making a fortune out of the Asylum Industry, besides (he imagines) looking like a ‘leader on the world stage’, and cosying up to his European lawyer buddies. I have absolutely zero belief in things like ‘The Secret’ btw, – I had a friend who kept sending me extracts on how to become rich, healthy etc, until I told her to quit sending me such utter claptrap.
Nobody is under the illusion that ‘fixing’ this issue is going to be easy. If it were, somebody would have already done it. I am no big fan of Farage, and in truth have no idea whether or not he can pull it off. But I would dearly love to hear what YOU think we should do, other that moan or suffer in silence.
I am in complete agreement. Furthermore, ‘where there’s a will there’s a way.’
The “Law” as 2TFGK has proven time and again means whatever it means whenever he needs it to so rabbiting on about appeasing the legal system is complete nonsense.
International law by the way simply doesn’t exist and is a fabrication used as and when required much like 2T uses our domestic laws.
There is no reason why we can’t export millions if we need to and unquestionably we need to.
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