The Divorce From Hell (Part III)

I write this as an update, and with enormous gratitude to the many of you who have contacted me to enquire as to the status of my divorce, and the current relationship with my daughters. For those unfamiliar with the story, unfortunately my children are being alienated from me in a divorce which stretches back a year, and is likely to continue for several more. Part I can be read here, while part II (last Christmas) is also available. Attached below is my letter this week to the court, informing them that I will withhold child support until the authorities start doing their job. You can imagine how much I do not wish to do that, particularly as this will not only temporarily affect the children, but will almost certainly land me back in jail. Still, I am left little choice.

Mr Frank Haviland

Case: (Redacted) 

Sunday 10th August 2025

For attention of the Judge,

It is with enormous regret that I must inform you, I am temporarily unwilling to provide financial support for my children. Working to feed and protect my daughters is an honour that I take extremely seriously – you will recall that I increased your suggested child support figure from 1,000 to 1,200 per month, despite the fact that this constitutes the majority of my income. I will not however, fund the state-sanctioned abuse of my daughters. 

While you have previously been provided with substantial evidence of alienation and abuse of my children, you have taken no substantial steps to prevent it (and no, I do not consider making a narcissist cry in a courtroom ‘substantial’). Thanks to your inaction, my daughters are suffering needlessly. Already pained by the harsh reality of divorce, they are being punished for expressing any love towards their father. This is particularly affecting my eldest daughter, who cannot admit that she loves me on the telephone. My youngest meanwhile, is still wiping kisses off her hands and face, as she was trained to do by her mother. 

While the children are still loving and happy in my company, they become instantly subdued the moment their mother is in the vicinity. Their heads go down and they are afraid to look at me, speak to me or even acknowledge my presence. Other people have noticed this worrying behaviour, having observed them for mere seconds. Even though my daughters are too young to understand the psychological coercion they are under, they understand that mother’s disapproval will be forthcoming if they fail to obey. I appreciate that it is difficult for the court to control this despicable behaviour, but more than nothing needs to be done; you have, after all, been given irrefutable evidence of this. 

The behaviour of my ex-wife in terms of co-parenting makes it completely impossible to prioritise the needs and the well-being of the children. My sole interest in communicating with her, is simply to limit the damage that this divorce will have upon my children until such time as we no longer need to communicate at all. I am only concerned with their health and safety, being kept reasonably informed of what is happening in their lives, allowed access to them whenever they need me, and being consulted where major decisions need to be made.  

As a brief illustration, this is what I have to deal with: 

• Communication: Circa 90% of my messages are ignored, no matter how reasonable e.g. “please come down and pick the children up”
• Phone calls: I was informed that I could speak to the children between 7-8pm of an evening. Despite the fact that I would dearly love to speak to them every day, I only phone them once a week – usually on a Wednesday. This is because the phone calls still sound like hostage negotiations, and I do not want my children to be further distressed, torn between competing parents. My eldest repeatedly claims she is ‘busy’ (bizarre for a primary school child), cannot express warmth, and currently claims she is unable to make video calls. This week, the call was refused and the message ignored. 
• Access: I have requested at least ten times that I would like the children to stay with me over the weekend, that I would like to take the children on holiday to England, and that I wish to be informed whenever they are sick, or if they have something important happening at school. These requests are always either ignored, or met with ridiculous lies (e.g. “the children do not want to stay with you” / “I don’t need to tell you anything about them”). 
• Transfer: Seeing the children on Sundays, naturally involves dropping them off and picking them up. As usual, this is only performed to my ex-wife’s convenience – meeting them at school, and dropping them off at her apartment. I had no issue with that, until she started making them wait 20 minutes before coming down to pick them up (as I am ‘not allowed’ in her apartment, and – unlike her – do not think it sensible for 7 and 4 year old children to make their way home unattended). 
• Childcare: Despite training the children to lie about their after-school care and holiday childcare arrangements, the children informed me that they were going to playgroups or having teachers visit the home. I find it totally unacceptable that I was neither informed nor consulted about this. Had I known, I would have volunteered to take care of the children during the holiday, which of course they would have preferred. 
• Punishment of the children: Because my ex-wife ignored me last weekend after I repeatedly requested she collect the children from school (since she continually makes them wait whenever I drop them off), I took the children to my home for her to collect. My daughters had a lovely time until their mother showed up with the police, no doubt lying to them as to what had transpired, and decided not only to throw their toys on the floor, but to drag them away from the house. 
• Lying: Today’s outing to a waterpark had been planned over a month in advance, and was eagerly awaited by both myself and my daughters. I received a text message last night at 9:46pm, allegedly from my daughter, stating that she is ‘frightened of Daddy’ and that her sister is ‘sick from stress’, so unfortunately they cannot come. This is a disgusting and repeated lie, weaponising the children and attempting to fool the court. My children are not scared of me, as is patently obvious from our interactions. What they are scared of is a narcissistic, controlling mother, who causes chaos the moment she shows up. Daddy is only ever angry when the mother of my children refuses to take them to hospital when they have pneumonia, and forces the children to call the police when I object; when the mother of my children pretends she has left them with strangers to cause a fight; when my children are continually abused and lied to; and when the mother of my children manipulates the police and the authorities to prevent the children seeing their father. 

No matter how much evidence of abuse and alienation has been provided to the social services, the social services child abuse team, the police and the court itself, everyone in authority has repeatedly failed to do their duty. One day perhaps, you may have to explain your negligence / corruption (it’s either one or the other), but suffice it to say I hold you all in utter contempt for the neglect you show my children. You also leave me no legal recourse to protect them. 

As a consequence of the continued psychological torture of my children, my health is suffering. My blood pressure is currently hovering around 160. Of course this is no concern of the court, and nor should it be. Alas, were I to have a heart attack or a stroke (which I consider currently at least even money), my daughters would lose funding in perpetuity, as well as their father’s love. In the light of this, I feel I have no option but to withhold child support. 

Of course, the moment my ex-wife starts behaving reasonably towards myself and more importantly my children (either with or without your encouragement), I will of course transfer their money gladly. 

Assuming the court is actually concerned about this, my demands are extremely reasonable (please indicate to me where they are not, and I will of course reconsider): 

1. The alienation and abuse of my children will stop immediately. If it does not, I expect to know what punishment will be given. I also expect that punishment to be enforced. 
2. Phone calls are to be allowed without issue or interference. If there is genuinely a problem with WiFi, I will pay for it. 
3. Overnight stays are to be granted at least twice a month (preferably on Saturdays). 
4. The children are to be collected in a timely fashion without drama that distresses them. 
5. I am to be kept reasonably informed of the children’s lives: i.e. any ill-health, and important events. 
6. I am to be consulted about childcare arrangements, particularly when this involves entrusting my children to strangers. 
7. Messages and requests are to be answered without drama, and explanations given for disagreements (e.g. why the children cannot go to England). 

It is a matter of supreme indifference to me how negatively the authorities and the court view me, either as a man, a foreigner or simply a father. The fact is that I am the father of these two beautiful girls, and it is my job to protect them. Irrespective of how much you dislike me, you must be aware that everything I have said and communicated with the court has been true – which is certainly more than can be claimed by the other party. You might also like to consider what would compel me to stop paying, after a year of seamless financial support (I have unequivocal evidence of everything stated in this letter, should you wish to see it). 

This court has had a year to get my ex-wife in check. You have failed. Your choice therefore is simple: start doing your job and protect my children, in which case we will have no problem. Alternatively, I’m sure you can entertain yourselves by fining me and jailing me again when I refuse to pay; it will however, not change my mind in the slightest. 

Yours sincerely,

Frank Haviland 

Frank Haviland is the author of Banalysis: The Lie Destroying the West and The Frank Report, which you should probably subscribe to.

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