Are you Islamophobic? 

(Photograph: Mona, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons)

We can be thankful, so far, that the crumbling Conservative Party did not adopt the ridiculous APPG definition of Islamophobia. This definition, while claiming ‘that Muslims are subject to a system of discrimination, control and socio-economic exclusion, alongside hate crime, harassment and abuse’ also wanted the definition to be ‘rooted in racism and a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.’

Let’s break that down. While there is no doubt that Muslims can be subject to ‘hate crime, harassment and abuse’ – there is always someone ignorant enough to call out someone else simply for being different – why does this, along with the ‘control and socio-economic exclusion’ have to be elevated to the level of being a ‘system’.

Excuse my ignorance but Muslims seem to be doing quite well in London and Scotland as both places were, until recently, run by Muslims in the shape of the short-lived First Minister of Scotland Humza Yousaf and, sadly for London, Sadiq Khan as ongoing Mayor. That said, while both have lined their pockets with their inflated salaries and ‘to die for’ pensions, it is not abundantly clear what either of them did for their controlled and socio-economically excluded coreligionists.

As for ‘expressions of Muslimness’, it depends what form that expression takes. Women wearing the niqab on our streets is an abomination and an insult to our culture. But as our feminist sisters do not see fit to protest about it then it must be OK. Wearing other types of Muslim dress, as many men do on the way to the mosque, seems a bit daft especially on a windy day, but it is probably harmless enough and there is little point in getting too fussed.

But if Muslimness is expressed by walking into a crowded venue and pulling the detonator on a suicide bomb, wielding a machete on our streets or driving into a crowd of people, then I think we have the right to be a tad upset (provided of course we don’t point out that a Muslim was driving, wielding or lying in bits along with the people killed by his bomb).

However, because the Conservative Party is crumbling it has not got an iced lolly in a furnace’s chance of being in government when the next general election is held this year or next. Instead, we’ll have Sir Keir Starmer and his troupe of comedians to contend with. There won’t be a discussion about definitions of Islamophobia then as the Labour Party will adopt the APPG definition, and will probably bow to the threats from Muslim Vote, about which we have written in these pages.

If we think we have seen a threat to freedom of speech, we probably have not seen anything yet. Not for the first time will the Islamic tail be wagging the dog of the British government.

Ever mindful of our loyal readership, we want to protect them from any risk of falling foul of the law once the new order is established. So, if you are afraid you might be Islamophobic, we recommend you take our free test:

1. Do you object to mosques being built in the UK with funding from Saudi Arabia?*
2. Do you object to Halal slaughter of animals for food?**
3. Do you object to being unaware you are eating Halal slaughtered food in some restaurants?***
4. Do you object to women wearing the niqab?
5. Do you object to the call to prayer sounding out from mosques in the UK?
6. Do you object to calls for Jihad on the streets of the UK?
7. Do you object to Sharia law being applied anywhere under any circumstances in the UK?
8. Do you object to events being cancelled in case they offend Muslims?
9. Do you object to the illegal influx of young Muslim men into the UK?
10. Do you dislike Sadiq Khan?

* No Christian symbolism or worship is permitted in Saudi Arabia

**It is illegal in the UK not to stun animals prior to slaughter

***Some major chain outlets use Halal slaughtered meat in places with a high density of Muslims

How to interpret your score

0: You are in the clear; either you are totally woke or, in fact, a Muslim yourself.

1-3: Probably nothing to worry about; nobody is perfect, we all have our likes and dislikes.

4-7: You are in the ‘check your thinking’ range and dangerously close to becoming a swivel-eyed Islamophobe.

8-9: You cannot escape the fact that you are Islamophobic; we suggest that this could be addressed by joining the Green Party and chanting ‘Alluha Akbar’ at every possible opportunity. This should push you down into the ‘check your thinking’ range but at least you will no longer have to worry about offending anyone.

10: Hand yourself into the police at the earliest possible opportunity.

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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