(Photograph: UK Prime Minister, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons)
It is not every day that the Prime Minister, or anyone else on a six-figure salary, writes to ask me for help, and so I was surprised this week to receive an unsolicited letter and questionnaire from the PM. No doubt it would have taken pride of place among Hyacinth Bucket’s Christmas cards on the mantlepiece, but I have slightly more exacting standards.
It seems Mr. S now admits that he is a bit out of his depth and presumably isn’t getting the advice he needs from his Cabinet, his MPs or his senior civil servants. And so in desperation he is “Reaching Out” (with second class SAEs for return, I do think this drops a hint about the perceived value of the questionnaires he hopes may be returned “properly” filled in), using the leading questions of the four, yes four!, barely two inch long dotted lines for “any other suggestions”. A cynic might ask why bother wasting money on questionnaires when there is going to be general election in 2024? Perhaps Mr. S is going to pass on all the replies he receives to Sir Keir – how charitable and generous a thought at this special time of year!
Well it seems that according to Mr. S and the Conservative Party, there are only three topics of importance to the “Let’s Build a Brighter Future Together” postal questionnaire farce. I searched in vain for the sections on the pressing topics of concern to the country, and was amazed not to find a section on immigration, net zero, education, nor on local government (soaring council taxes for “services” that us normal residents don’t want), or indeed anything else. The three topics chosen by Mr. S, or his advisors, are “Growing Our Economy”, “Investing in Our NHS”, and “Building a Brighter Future” (a very short section with lots of wasted space at the bottom, always a sign of a poorly thought out exercise). Finally, the “About You” section pre-empts the next general election; can’t he wait for his P45?
It is interesting to note that both the economy and the NHS are “Ours”, but “Building a Brighter Future” sinisterly isn’t denoted “For Us”, I wonder why? I also wondered why the economy (ours) has only four questions, while the NHS (ours also unfortunately) has nine? I searched the questions and multi-choice answers for anything about cutting expensive bureaucracy to assist businesses, or root and branch overhaul of the failed NHS to make it fit for purpose and affordable, but these were inexplicably missing. Still, it was good to know that free parking for town centres to encourage shoppers (I’m not sure though that local authorities will share this aspiration) was included as a suggested solution to our economy, rather than repatriation of the hordes currently expensively holed up in hotels, or closing “Our” borders to further economic migrants holding dubious anti-social views.
In the spirit of Christmas I decided to complete Mr. S’s questionnaire by editing it for him (but sadly not answering any of his questions) and posting it back. Furthermore, while on a roll, I thought if the British PM is “Reaching Out” for help then surely others in senior positions are also struggling and desperately need my “Lived Experience” to assist their decision making. Unfortunately however, I can’t afford all the stamps and don’t get paid for being an advisor.
Martin Rispin has had a career in many different sectors, most lately in the fields of English Tourism and Heritage based Urban Regeneration. He now lives, retired, in Kingston upon Hull.
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