To hear folk complaining on buses, on the television and in newspapers about ‘Broken Britain’, you could almost fall for the lie that the United Kingdom is in a bit of a mess right now. But far from it; I live here and I can report with confidence that everything is fine, nothing so see here.
“Inflation” did I hear you say? Well it’s doing really well right now, cruising along at just over 10%. So, there’s nothing wrong with inflation, it’s doing fine. It’s just that the rest of us are struggling a bit. But Mr Jeremy Hunt (hard not to do a ‘Jim Nauhgtie’ when you say his name isn’t it?) assures us it is going to drop to a measly 2.3% by the end of the year. Well, pull the other one Jeremy. We will believe that when we see it.
Immigration? That’s going well too. Folk are swarming into the country which is strange given that we are, essentially, a fascist state. We let over a million people into the country legally last year alone. They are all most welcome, ‘legally’ being the operative word here. But for each one of those taking their ‘cricket test’, or however their loyalty to the United Kingdom is judged before they get their shiny new blue passport, we operate a ‘buy one get one free’ system. In addition to our legal immigrant, we get the benefit of another – uninvited, unwanted and unqualified for anything except loafing about in a luxury hotel, drawing social security and staring at a mobile phone—washing up on the south coast on a daily basis. Here the word ‘illegally’ applies. But to make the distinction, apparently, makes one a racist.
And then there is the terrible fuss about emissions, or ‘low emissions’ as we hear about. There is nothing that is not emitting something and that something must be stopped. Thus son of a London bus driver done good Mr Khan of London has gone the extra mile over low emissions and created ultra-low emission zones (ULEZ) in London. By the way, he goes the extra mile by car for free while the rest of us have to walk or pay the ULEZ charge on top of the congestion charge. You can escape the ULEZ charges if your car meets ‘Euro emission standards’, despite the fact we are no longer under EU control. Mayor Khan is, nevertheless, very popular with his subjects; they even pay for his bullet-proof vehicle ‘decked out with under-floor blast protection, armoured glass, spike-proof tyres, a five-litre engine and an emergency escape system’. I wish I were that popular.
It is not just city slickers who have to lower their emissions. Country folk are affected too, and are probably going to be forced to feed their cattle a methane lowering food supplement. This is to stop cow farts (Google tells me this word may be offensive to some readers) polluting the environment and killing off the planet. It does make you wonder how we got this far. But I am all for fart reduction; if only I had some of that years ago when my four sons still lived at home. Are there any plans to make vegans eat it, I wonder?
So, everything here is tickety-boo right now. Inflation is ‘buoyant’, immigrants are also buoyant—mainly on the English Channel—and farting by cows has been outlawed. I nearly forgot to mention the NHS, but there is simply no time to go into the achievements of this wonderful and unique organisation. Possibly ‘unique’ because nobody else wants one. I hear that some rebranding is called for to reflect its record waiting lists, its neglect of genuine patients during the Covid years, and its persistence in continuing to roll out a Covid vaccine which is not needed, and does not prevent Covid but for which there is an accumulating number of side effects including sudden death. The NHS is due to unveil its new slogan: ‘You don’t need Dignitas when you have the NHS’. Catchy!
Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.
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Excellent Roger, keep going