The Book of Muslim 

Your intrepid Deputy Editor was in London this week with Mrs Watson to see a show. It had long been on my bucket list to see The Book of Mormon. One of my daughters warned me that it was offensive from the get-go. I was not disappointed. In fact, as a Christian, I was so offended that I was left speechless. Good for them. There is almost no taboo that is not used in the pursuit of humour: blasphemy; racism (a bit toned down I read); simulated fornication; and even an amusing portrayal of dysentery. Who’d have thought? It certainly puts paid to that old quip that something is ‘about as funny as dysentery’.

I wondered how the Mormons (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) or any other Christian groups reacted to the show. Interestingly I can find no evidence of any protests by mainstream Christian groups. Perhaps they consider that as it is not their bailiwick and the Mormons are not recognised as Christians by many churches, my lot (the Catholics) and the Protestants decided to leave them to their fate.

But it was the reaction of the Mormons themselves that interested me most. They have never protested, instead they have tried to use it as a point of introduction to Mormonism; a so-called ‘charm offensive’ and that has continued to the present day. They even have an advert in the programme for the show to the effect that ‘you’ve seen the musical, now read the book’ proving that Mormons, at least, have a sense of humour.

For this reason, and in intense discussion with the management team at The New Conservative, we have decided to branch out from our incisive and mainstream journalism. Adding to our recent decision to promote our own merchandise, we are adding entertainments to our portfolio and our first event is planned. Thus, New Conservative Productions brings you:

The Book of Muslim

The storyline is simple – and with apologies to the writers of The Book of Mormon – two young Islamic jihadists are sent to the United Kingdom to spread the word about Islam. They go door to door telling people their message of peace and love, and offering to leave copies of The Koran with families for them to read. But things go wrong. Not many people are interested and the powers that be back at Islamic HQ are demanding results. They want to know how many converts they have made and threaten to come to the United Kingdom to see for themselves. Things take a hilarious turn when our two young jihadists start to convert people by telling them a cock and bull version of Islam which involves parties, drinking and sex outside of marriage. If you want to know the rest of the story, book your tickets on the link at our website.

The Book of Muslim will be going on tour soon and we have venues booked in most areas of the country. In fact, we have decided to make this a travelling festival and alongside the show we are promoting a sponsored read of The Satanic Verses, and by special arrangement with local imams we are holding a silent disco in various mosques.

Of course, I am not serious. Can you imagine the response of the massed hordes of bearded bigots to such a thing? And, naturally, our authorities would simply cave in and ban such an event ‘to keep the peace’.

I have many Muslim friends and, while as a Christian I think their religion is an abomination (yes, I have told them), I have a sneaking admiration for the way they order their lives around faith, family and work, in that order. They have strong family values, and the ones who are not out blowing themselves and others up are very fine people indeed. But, as correctly pointed out by Effie Deans in Country Squire Magazine this week: ‘The real danger is that radical Islam is here and we cannot distinguish between the radical and the non-radical because the ideology is essentially the same’.

My worry is that Christians have largely lost the plot while Islam is taking a foothold not only by immigration from Islamic countries, but even by the conversion of young white children. This is a truly terrible turn of events as many of these children will see the light and either decide to abandon their new found faith, which seems not to be a particular problem for Islam, or decide to convert to Christianity. Someone ought to be out amongst our youngsters now warning them that, for converting to Christianity, the penalty imposed by the ‘religion of peace’ is death. And they mean it.

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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