Linguistic Gymnastics 

It is getting harder by the day to believe the mainstream media, which is saying something, as it has been consistently lying to us for a very long time. They probably excelled themselves during the Covid-19 period when they knew perfectly that the risk from the virus was low and the measures brought in were unnecessary; nevertheless, they promoted fear, called out and silenced those who criticised lockdowns and ridiculed anyone critical of the Covid vaccines.

I am quite sure that the lies continue. But now we must interpret the news and many of the people who are permitted to write and speak in the mainstream media, including senior police officers, through a fog of confounding double-speak. You know the kind of thing, whereby a spade is rarely called a spade. Instead, it might be described as ‘a manually assisted terrestrial interface implement.’

So, if you are confused by some of the current terminology, or suspect that old words are being infused with new meaning, here is my handy guide to some terms currently in use:

A
Antisemitism = Political critique practised in polite society.

B
Bias = Prejudice you didn’t know you had but are now expected to confess.
Birthing person = Linguistic workaround that removes mothers from motherhood.
British man with mental health problems = Muslim.

C
Climate change = Something uniquely recognised by the middle classes but for which suffering must uniquely be inflicted on the working classes.
Controversial = An expressed view or the person expressing a view with which you do not agree.

D
Decolonise = History revised and re-written until historians are enriched and the gullible are enraged.
Diversity = Something uniquely desired by the middle classes but for which suffering must uniquely be inflicted on the working classes.

E
Equity = Something desired by under-achievers and the indolent regardless of effort.
Equality = A policy enforced on organisations to ensure that under-achievers and the indolent are rewarded regardless of effort.

F
Food insecurity = We are running out of Rolls Royces and private jets.

G
Gender-affirming = Accepting mental illness as being normal.
Global majority = Something you can never be a part of.

H
Harm = Discomfort upgraded to injury.
Hate speech = A view with which you do not agree for which you can waste police time, with impunity.

I
Inclusion = Exclusion of people with whom you do not agree.

Inclusive spaces = Places from which people with whom you do not agree are excluded.
Intersectionality = Something that does not exist but the means whereby careers can be ended by those who point that out.

L
Lived experience = Experience but only experienced by people with a grievance.

M
Marginalised communities = Groups who will soon be running your country.
Microaggressions = Offences detectable only with training.

Minor attracted person = Paedophile, pervert or nonce.

My truth = Invariably not the truth.

N
Non-binary = Non-existent.
Neurodiversity = An excuse for inexcusable behaviour.

O
Oppression = A condition assumed to exist prior to evidence.
Othering = Describing differences that some would prefer not to be described.

P
People of colour = Broad coalition defined by what it is not.
Preferred pronouns = Linguistic choices that are not, in practice, optional.
Privilege = Moral debit attributed to people who are not people of colour.
Problematic = Disapproved of without explanation.

R
Restorative justice = Economic punishment inflicted uniquely on people who are not people of colour.

S
Safe space = A space where people who are not people of colour are not welcome.

Social justice = A concept to be uniquely practised by people who are not people of colour.
Systemic racism = Practised uniquely in organisations run by people who are not people of colour which addressed the problem of running out of Rolls Royces and private jets.

T
Trigger warning = Messages designed to spoil the enjoyment of any form of entertainment.

U
Underrepresented groups = Groups which are remarkably well-represented, but which want more Rolls Royces and private jets.

V
Vulnerable populations = See ‘underrepresented groups’.

W
White fragility = What people who are not people of colour are accused of when they indicate that people of colour can also be racist and oppressive.

X
Xenogender = See ‘non-binary’.

Y
Your truth = The converse of ‘my truth’.

Z
Zack Polanski = Lunatic.

Zero tolerance = You must tolerate me regardless of my behaviour.

 

This is very much a work in progress. Readers of TNC are welcome to suggest updates.

 

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

 

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