LGBTQwerty Airlines 

In our daily lives, it is now impossible to escape the tyranny of the assorted LGBT flags (there were 32 of them at the last count). One flies regularly over the nearby university, another festoons our local police station, and you would be forgiven for thinking that a local church was a gay nightclub, such is the proliferation of multicoloured flags adorning it. NHS clinics and our large local infirmary are cornucopias of colour, most of which are aimed at the general public, urging them to respect LGBTQ+ NHS staff. This goes hand in hand with the proliferation of pronouns on NHS staff name badges; again aimed at making staff feel safe and accepted. Woe betide some sick patient or distressed relative misgenders a cleaner or a receptionist. This is nothing short of an obsession.

The one place in the world one used to be able to escape all this nonsense was in the air, but no longer. There was something about sitting back on a long haul flight, gin and tonic in hand, with no phone calls or emails to disturb you. The world, somehow, got left behind. Those were the days when female cabin crew were real women, and male cabin crew were real gays. We all knew where we stood. No nipping of the stewardesses’ bottoms, and no ordering a mince pie for dinner from the stewards; that joke died at about the same time as Laker Airways.

Now airlines are tripping over themselves to be more LGBTQwerty friendly than the others. At the forefront of this is Virgin Airways, who most recently changed their uniform policy to allow staff to wear whatever clothes—within the Virgin range—they felt suited their gender. They also allowed men to wear makeup. It gave that ridiculous bearded twat Richard Branson an excuse to get dolled up and wear a skirt. But Virgin have been at this for a long time; in 2018 they flew a flight with an all LGBT crew over the Atlantic with appropriate entertainment on board. Then during the recent World Cup, they threatened to topple the Qatari regime by flying to Doha with an all LGBTQ+ crew (how things have moved on since 2018). The Qataris immediately capitulated, and Qatar is now one of the most LGBTQ+ friendly countries in the world.

In 2021 there was talk of a Pride Airlines which, crewed by the cream of queens and the doyennes of dykes, would only fly LGBT+ (no ‘Q’ apparently) passengers. Of course, no prizes for guessing what the airline livery would be. Even Peter Tatchell, the arch gay rights protester thought the idea was daft. He asked how passengers would prove their LGBT+ credentials but, really, can you imagine anyone trying to fake that? Anyway, Pride Airlines never (literally) got off the ground.

British Airways, not to be left behind (despite the thousands of passengers it leaves behind each year), has decided that getting flights to take off and land on time is no longer a priority. They are waving their ‘inclusivity’ credentials in our faces by allowing gender expression among staff on the airline and for male pilots to be allowed to wear makeup and have piercings. ‘Foundation cream’; ‘Checked’. ‘Concealer’; ‘Checked’. ‘OK, we are ready for take-off, chocs away!’

Qantas Airways, which has long been inclusive of all manner of sexual orientations has taken the recent step of allowing their staff to wear make-up, or not, as they choose. A move in the right direction, if you ask me; I fly them regularly and some of the sun damaged old Sheilas they inflict on passengers could do with a bit of restorative work, if you know what I mean. Apparently, however, this is about allowing their male cabin crew and pilots to wear make-up.

As with so many things these days, it is hard to see where all this will end. We have already had a nude airline (check it out). But, seriously, what is it all about? Most, if not all, the passengers on a flight care not a jot about the sexual orientation of the crew; they simply don’t need to know. Call me old fashioned (I have been called much worse on Twitter lately), but is there not something reassuring about a smart, biological sex appropriately dressed crew on an airplane? Perhaps some research is needed. I reserve the right to be wrong, but what are the safety issues around a male pilot with the new found freedom to wear makeup touching up his lipstick as the plane is touching down? I have no issue with female pilots; women can adjust their makeup and take a phone call while driving.

I am about to embark on a long haul flight to Beijing with British Airways and the LGBTQwerty intimidation has started before I have even arrived at the airport. I was invited by email to check the entertainment selection on board my flight. British Airways are proud to promote their ‘Pride Playlist.’ That’ll be a double gin and tonic please.

Roger Watson is a retired academic, editor and writer. He is a columnist with Unity News Network and writes regularly for a range of conservative journals including The Salisbury Review and The European Conservative. He has travelled and worked extensively in the Far East and the Middle East. He lives in Kingston upon Hull, UK.

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